I heard from Him today. About an hour ago actually.
It’s like talking to a stranger. Like all our feeling, our history and all we’ve known about each other has just been thrown away. I don’t know what to say to him .. I don’t even know what I feel anymore.
Am I numb? Beyond hurt that I can’t feel anything?
Or don’t I just care anymore?
Honestly, I look forward to flirting with these two other guy’s that I’ve been talking to recently than Him. I know he’s my ex, I know he shouldn’t be in my life anymore. I know that all he does it hurt me and he just likes the chase.
I just wish that it hadn’t ended the way it had. I would give anything to be able to help him feel love for anyone. Even if I wasn’t the girl he fell for, I would give anything to give him that gift.
God … Why? Why is it like this? Why can’t I just cut him out of my life? Why do I keep clinging to him?
I know that nothing will happen again .. Ever. Nothing serious anyway …
So why am I still texting him back? Why am I even still thinking about a guy who lied to me for 21 months?
Every time I hear from him I say to myself “this is it! I have had enough. Next time he texts me I won’t even bother replying.” But each time I see his name flash up on my screen, it’s like a automatic response … I take my phone into my hands and type a reply. It’s like an addiction and I can’t stop.
I don’t even have the strength to delete his text as soon as it comes in. Once I did. I had the strength to delete everything from him. His number, pictures, any contact to him … And then he sent me one big text. I replied and we saw each other … And now, I’m back here.
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Sweetie, All You Are Is A Heartbreak Wrapped Up In A Nice Smile …