Today is just one of those days.
I use to have them when my Airman & i were still dating. My heart would hurt because i was missing him so much. But back then at least i could smile at our photos, send him a text, read over the cute ones he’d sent me that morning or the night before. I could look forward to our future & the next time i’d be flying down to see him. I could plan & watch those military homecomings on youtube. And then before i knew it I was smiling & my heart was lifting …
Now … I can’t look at those photos because they’re blurred with tears. I can’t read those texts because i have to scroll past the ones he sent me just before we broke up. I can’t send him a text saying I love him & miss him because we aren’t together anymore. And i can’t look forward to our future together because we have none. I can’t smile about getting plane tickets & seeing his buddies, because that will never happen again.
As much as the distance sucked, as much as i missed him … that was so much better than this. This is agony & i don’t know how much more of this I can stand.
At least when my heart was hurting i could go to him.
I wish more than anything I still had him.
God … I am a mess …