Today is a better day.
Today I am starting to feel a little better about my whole situation.
Yesterday I finally gave up and confronted him. I asked him what the hell he was playing at and if there really was another change for us. He told me that we can only stay friends for now, at least until he has sorted “shit” out and got his head screwed back on. He told me that a lot of things can change in a year but he can’t tell me either way, whether he’s going to be able to sort himself out or not. I respect that, as much as it annoys me. And i know that I will let go and move on when I am ready. Until then I will wait.
As much as I want to get back with him. As much as I think we’re perfect together and he’s everything I want … Most of all I just want him to be happy. Because that’s what love is right? Putting someone else’s happiness first. Even if I’m not the girl who he end’s up with, I just want him to be happy. I want to help him.
The funny thing with helping someone is that they have to let you in first, and he keeps pushing me away. Which is starting to really infuriate me. I want him to be honest and straight with me.
He wants to be in my life, he wants me to be in his life … He wants us to be best friends again, to be close like we use to. But how can I do that when every time i attempt to get close to him he pushes me away.
Its all a new learning curve. When we were together there were hardly any secrets between us. We told each other everything, so to be shut out like this is weird, confusing and strange.
I think this year may not nessarily be a “great” year, but it will teach me a lot of things. Whether it be that I’m waiting for someone that will never come back, or that if I just listen to my gut and follow me heart I will end up with the person who I adore so much.
Good things come to those who wait …. Right?