To Him … Who has been the best and worst thing to happen to me,
I am still trying to figure out why you are ignoring me. Why? I haven’t done anything wrong. And if I have, man up and talk to me about it. It will be better than waiting for a text that will never come. I know I have to make the choice to move on, but I can’t. You have planted this seed that there is still hope. And it gets stronger every time you confirm it.
I want to believe you aren’t doing this on purpose, that there is a perfectly good explanation for why you didn’t reply to my text. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you aren’t doing yourself much good right now.
I don’t want you to fade away from my life. You know that’s one of my biggest fears.
Days like today I want to text you and say, “i can’t do this without you.”
But I don’t. I hold off because I know my place. I know I am your ex girlfriend. I just let you do your thing. Even though it is killing me. It is slowly destroying me and you don’t even seem to mind.
You said you needed someone stable. Someone mature. You needed someone that understood you wouldn’t be able to text them everyday because of training. I told you I understood. And while I have some growing up to do as well, I am trying to be mature about this. To see through my heartache, even though it gets blurry sometimes. I am trying to do everything right.
But I am dying without you. I am struggling to get through the days. You are constantly there. I went to Uni for the first time today, just for a introductory lecture. I wanted to share that with you. You should of been there. I need you here, with me, more than ever. And on Friday I am laying my best friend to rest and you wont be there. The day I need you the most. I doubt you will even text me, call me or even ask how I am.
I honestly don’t know how people survive break ups … I don’t understand how easily you are surviving without me. Even after all you said.
I don’t understand anything anymore and you promised you’d be there for me, for whatever, no matter what …
Where are you when I desperately need you?
You. Promised …!