# 4 – Letters To Him

Published February 13, 2013 by Tasha

To the one who promised not to walk away but did,

I don’t want to do this without you anymore. I am over faking smiles, faking laughs. I am over looking at other couples and feeling the stabbing pain. I am over missing you and trying not to think about what you’re doing. If you have a girl, if you’re hooking up with people. I am over feeling like this. I want to be over you, but I know that i’m not, and I wont be. I am over wishing the year was already over. I am over wishing my life away … Darling, I am just over this.

I am sitting here, wrapped up in your jumper. Your sent still lingers from the last time you wore it. I remember you pulled it over your head and smirked as you commented at how small it was on you now, but how huge it looked on me. The way you liked it. I remember you wearing it for most of the night and spraying it with your cologne so I wouldn’t forget how you smelt as we entered the distance part of our relationship again. God baby, this jumper brings back so many memories.

I can’t handle this anymore. I miss you more than I should. You seem to be doing just fine without me. Whereas I’m struggling here. All I want is you. I want to be proud of you again. I want to be able to get on that plane and fly to you. Escape from my life and see you. I want to be able to wrestle you on those big, comfy hotel beds. I want to have adventures with you.

Please … Please come back to me.

My heart is too heavy, and i dont even have the strength to look at other people. I dont want to feel like this anymore, but I do. And no matter what I do, or not do, I can’t escape this feeling. Do you even think about me? Do you even want to give us another shot? Am I just wasting my time?

I don’t want to be one of those people that move on and are sitting there in my 30s or 40s married to someone else saying “there was this boy. And it could have been, should have been but wasn’t.” I don’t want to have that regret.

I just want you to fix yourself. I want to see you again. I want this year to be over.

Please, as the tears stream down my face, please just come back to me. I can’t do this by myself anymore.

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