Call me crazy … Yeah I know. But I have to do this. He is still giving me hope and I’m still holding onto that.
A lot of you will be reading this yelling at the screen, “cut him loose!” You all probably think I’m crazy, and insane, some stupid girl who is holding onto something that will never, ever come back that way I want it to. And you could be right. But what if I’m right? What if my gut instinct is right? I can’t walk away from something when I know there is still something there. I am the type of person that fights for something until there is literally nothing left and I have nothing more to give.
I have decided to stick by my ex. He knows he needs to get help and I know he is trying. I don’t trust him, but I have enough faith in him to realise that he’s trying. I know that we won’t be able to get back together for a while. I know that I have to be just a friend for longer than I would like. I know this isn’t going to be easy for me, or for him.
A huge part of me can’t see why we can’t be together while he sorts through this. While we were together things were fine, we were both happy and enjoying the moments together. I can’t understand a lot of things he has done in the past, but I also know that we could have something amazing at the end of this … If he gets himself together.
I also know that I can’t push him. He has to come back to me. He has to figure this out on his own. I’m only here for support, someone he knows and knows him better than anyone. I can only be a friend. I have accepted that and I am okay with it for now.
I am not going to give up on him. You don’t give up on someone you love. As insane as that sounds. I can’t give up on him, on “us”, on our friendship.
Even if we don’t end up together in the end, I want him to get better …. He needs to get better. And it is going to be a hard, bumpy journey. There are going to be moments when we both want to give in. There are going to be tears and tantrums So many things are working against us, against him. But he is strong enough to do this. And if we can get through this, if we end up together at the end of this, if he can realise what we can do together, we can overcome anything.
So for now, for this year and probably the next I am going to help him in anyway I can. I will be there for him, I won’t give up on him.
I will never stop loving him. And I just pray that he will come back to me.