I just have one word to describe today … AMAZING.
It was pure and utter freedom. I can’t describe it any other way. The music was blasting out of the car stereo, the wind was in our hair and it felt like we were invincible.
Today was the day that my girls and I had been holding out for. We all needed this trip more than life it’s self it seemed. For the first time ever I went 4-wheel driving on the beach (my dad of course made sure it was safe and gave me a “crash course” before we were let loose). My two girls came along and we packed the most beautiful picnic. We found a isolated part of the beach, turned up the music, danced until we collapsed and ate until we couldn’t move.
After the tied had gone down we packed up our things, changed the music to something upbeat and jumped into the car ready for some more adventure.
The sun was out, making it a hot day but the salty breeze gave the day a perfect temperature. The sand was white and gold and the water was an amazing crystal blue. When we looked ahead of us, it looked like it stretched on forever. The day could not have been more perfect.
Of course we had our fun. Fish-tailing the Rodeo. We sped over the bumps, and glided along the smooth sand once the tied had gone out. Later we parked and watched the sunset go down. We made some new friends and showed some of the guys how it’s done. We couldn’t get enough of the feeling that comes with driving on the beach with your best friends and some good music. As one of the girls said, “I feel like we’re in one of those movies. Where the girls are having the time of their lives and you sit there wishing you could do something like that. I feel so much more alive out here.”
And that’s the only way I can really explain the feeling.
We were free of all our problems for the day. Anything that was hurting us, went away. For just a day we could pretend we were free from every bad thing.
But … No day comes without it’s problems. It first started when I took the wrong turn and ended up adding another 15 minutes to the 2 hour trip. Then the shop we needed to go to for the beach permit, was closed and no one else in Bribie could help us. So after travelling around for another half hour we eventually found a place that sold them. And then … While forgetting completely that my ex was on leave … He drives past us, on the beach, and stops. He tells his friends to stop driving, gets out and comes over to me.
He asks if I’m okay …. I seriously don’t know what possessed him to come over to us, but he did. I don’t even know why he did when the last time we talked a few days ago, he didn’t want me in his life and to stay out of it.
But it was better this time. I was able to keep my cool. I was able to walk away without thinking I was going to throw up. This time I was able to continue on, happy as anything, enjoying life. And this time, I don’t want to text him like last time. This time I am able to sit back and let him come to me … Either that or fade from of my life … It’s his choice and I’m so relieved.
It really was the most amazing day of my life. The feeling, the “high” we felt was unlike anything I could ever explain. 4 wheel driving was one of the things I really wanted to do with my ex, but today just showed me that, yet again, I don’t need him to do these things. I can have just as much fun with my girls.
As I live my life without him, I see that I don’t need him to be happy. I don’t need him to have an amazing future. I don’t need him period. And really, to be honest, as much as I love him and want the best for him, I am glad that I can prove to myself I am just as capable without him.
And that alone is an amazing feeling …