Just a By-Stander

Published April 3, 2013 by Tasha

Oh how the tables turn so quickly.

My ex contacted me today. I was curious but I wasn’t surprised, I knew he would contact me after our little run in at Bribie. During our conversation I tell him everything, well pretty much everything about how I feel. Because, I don’t have anything to lose. I don’t have his friendship to lose or his love, because I have neither.
After a hour or so of pissing me off he tells me that I should of warned him I was going to be where he was and that it would of killed me to see him with another girl.
He then proceeds to say he wants to be friends.
He pisses me off, says he’s with another girl, blames me for “stalking him” and then says he wants to be friends ….? Excuse me, what is he on?

The real funny part of this whole thing was that it didn’t concern me. So what if he’s with another girl, I don’t care. So what if he’s pissed at me, why should I care?
I know that he didn’t love me, he didn’t trust me and I know all the other girl is going to get is lies .. Who wants that? He can be involved with whoever, I don’t care because I have come to terms with everything. I have truly let him go, he can do as he pleases.
I have don’t care anymore.

So we agreed to try a friendship … I half-heartedly agreed. I don’t trust him. I don’t trust his “feelings” or anything he says. It will take a long time and probably a life-time of proving for me to trust him again … And he will never see that girl I was when I was with him. The girl that opened herself up to him, that let herself be as vulnerable as she could be. All he will be able to reach is the hard girl that has slammed her walls up regarding him.
And it’s a good place to be.

I like that place I am with him now. I don’t miss him. I don’t even know if I really love him anymore. The chemistry we had, I’m pretty sure has gone … Or is buried, deeply buried. And I have nothing to lose regarding him. He is just a by-stander in my life. And I’m happy with that.

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