Sorry for the lack of updates .. I’m just lacking inspiration at the moment.
Right now the weather is all shitty, its rainy, cold and cloudy all the time. My days are full with Uni, gym and work. My life isn’t very interesting right now. But the upside to everything is that I am doing better.
Overall I don’t miss him (or maybe I am so use to missing him I have gone numb) and I feel ready to start dating again. I don’t have those moment when my heart pinches and my stomach sinks when I remember something. Memories don’t hurt so much anymore and I am able to look forward to the day I will have an amazing guy walk into my life and show me why it never worked out with anyone else.
In my Psychology tute today, we were talking about relationships, analyzing them and using the Attachment Theory. My tutor has known me for years and knew my story with my ex. She thought it would be example to use and one that would be good to “pick apart”. I was able to get up there, not naming him of course, and tell about 20 classmates my journey with my ex. Almost from start to finish.
By the end the girls in the class had tears in their eyes and I’m fairly use most of the guys won’t ever look at me the same, but I was able to be strong enough to talk about it and not feel any pain. None. Nothing. It was a good feeling. And I was able to laugh and smile as I recalled our memories and fantastic moments, because he will always be special to me and I will always cherish our moments together.
I don’t feel so pissed off with him all the time now. The anger has worn away, and I am just settling into a more peaceful state. It will be interesting to see what happens to both of us if we see each other when he comes home on leave in a few months. But this is all to do with the moving on process. I understand why we broke up and I have let him go. Now the last part of my healing is almost done, just the moving on part. I feel happy enough to start dating seriously again, in fact I want to.
For as long as I live my ex will always have a place in my heart and unfortuantly a small part of my heart will always love him. I will always cherish our memories and keep him close to me. But now I know that I can live without him, I understand that he was there, my rock, in a time of my life that i so critically needed. That part is now over and I have moved on.
And I will always be grateful to him for teaching me so much, but he’s no apart of my life anymore and that is okay with me. Whether he wants to be apart of my life or not is he choice and right now I am content in just going about my life.