Well he hands in his papers today to get cleared for leave.
I’m kind of nervous. Even though he has been doing excellent in his training, he hasn’t been getting into trouble and he’d been passing everything, his chain of command can still say no. And then what can you do? Nothing. If they won’t grant him leave, then I don’t see him until he graduates at the end of this year.
He’s talked about me coming to see him, just like I did when we were together. But … Something tells me not to. I don’t know what it is, but I probably should listen to it. I want to. I want to see him as much as possible. I want to be with him all the time. But there’s a huge BUT. That and I don’t have any money whatsoever to spend on plane tickets, food and hotel rooms.
And I don’t want him getting the idea that I’ll just hop to when he says. I didn’t mind when I was his girlfriend, in fact I loved it. I loved everything about traveling to him. I loved spending time with him, even if it was in a small, unknown town. And I miss all of it. I miss the flying, I miss the feeling I use to get, i miss staying up late and getting up at 12, trying to find a place was still serving breakfast. I miss waking up to him right there. I miss meeting his friends and checking out Base. I miss walking around the small town with him talking about everything and nothing. I miss all of it, so much. And I want to do it all again. But not like this. Not in this uncertain, fragile state. I have got to keep my heart locked up for now.
Sometimes, even though I am glad we have be able to make it this far, we had just fought a little harder. Things would be so much different. No buts, no ifs, no maybes, just a simple yes.
Oh well. I’m happy we are able to be in this spot again.
All being well he’s here in 7 days!