13 days until he comes home for the long weekend …. 13. Days!
I don’t even know how to feel about this. I have a million conflicting feelings. But most of all I feel like how I use to feel before I saw him. That sudden rush of butterflies, sweaty palms, that silly little grin, that feeling where you just cannot stand still. I use to be shaky getting off that plane. That stupid little plane that had these tiny, rickidy steps you had to try and navigate with people behind you, pushing to get off and the people in the small terminal watching you, looking for their loved one. I was always so scared I was going to stack it.
And then, with my bag slung over my shoulder and trying to make sure i didn’t get blown away by the wind, I would walk with the others around the glass terminal, feeling as if a million eyes were on me. I would walk through those sliding doors and be met by other people waiting for their person to appear, and I would search for Him. And he would always be there, without fail, with that amazing smile of his. And I would drop my bags and run to him, having him pick me up and swing me around, trying to kiss me at the same time.
Sometimes he’d be in uniform and people would smile and point at our happiness. Sometimes there would be other couples like us, some arriving with me, others saying goodbye. And for those few days I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
Now … I’m feeling like that again. And I’m trying not to. Even though we are fixing things and even though things are going in the right direction, we still aren’t officially together. Which, really, is good for the both of us. But … it makes feeling like this weird and confusing, among exciting and thrilling.
I warned him that I might tackle him when i see him …. We haven’t had time together since January. And then we wont see each other again until he graduates at the end of this year.
I honestly can’t wait to see him … It’s been such a bumpy road for us, it’ll be nice to have a break from it and just enjoy each other’s company.