I know some of you are keen to here what happened while my ex was home … And I wish I could tell you that we talked and lived happily ever after. But I think we all know these things don’t happen.
He flew in friday afternoon and we agreed to see each other for coffee. I was nervous as hell, but as soon as I saw him it completely disappeared. He made me happy, laugh and smile through out the hour we spent together. I was feeling good, so was he and I thought this was going to be a good couple of days.
A few days before he came home we had wanted to meet up for breakfast Saturday morning, but friday he told me he couldn’t because he was meeting his friends earlish that morning. It was a bit of a bummer but I understood that I wasn’t the only person wanting to see him. But Sunday morning was organised to have breakfast and spend the whole day together. He had been saying that for a while, sunday was “our day”. I was happy he was putting in the effort.
He spent all Saturday and that night out with his friends, I was glad he was having fun. But he got home at God knows what hour of the morning. He then didn’t wake up until 9:30. I didn’t worry too much because we had until about 6pm that day. He messages me and tells me that we can go for breakfast but he’s meeting his friend (the same one he spent all Saturday with) for the races at 11:30. By the time we got to our agreed meeting point it was 10:30 am. And i was not happy. He had been telling me for days that we would get good time together Sunday and here we were racing through our breakfast before his friend got here. As soon as we were finished eating, he stood up, paid, and we walked off. I was cold, to say the least to him. I made conversation, but I was seriously not happy.
We met up with his friend and hurriedly said goodbye before I walked off.
You know that feeling half way between super pissed off and wanting to cry? Yeah I was there.
From my understanding he spent all day out with his friend, came home for dinner, watched a few movies with the family and went to bed. He didn’t even want to talk to me. When I made conversation with him he seemed uninterested and cold. Very cold.
He flies out in a hour, and they should be leaving for the airport now. And he hasn’t said a word to me. Nothing. Silence. At this point I’m pretty sure I’m not even going to get a chance to say goodbye to him. Keeping in mind I won’t see him for another 6 months of so, when he graduates and gets his posting orders. I have NEVER not said goodbye to him. I always meet him down at the flat and say goodbye, even if it’s only for a few minutes. And I don’t think I have ever been so confused in my life.
The weeks, days leading up to him coming home he was all on about wanting to see me every minute he could, wanting to be with me so much, being incredibly sweet and putting in as much effort as distance could allow for me. Now it’s like he’s a completely different person.
At times I feel like he associates me with “home”. And when he comes home, he doesn’t need my comfort anymore. Sometimes it feels like he wants me because we have history and maybe because he doesn’t have to work so hard, because we already know too much about each other. Where, I want him in a completely different way.
Maybe I read too much into it? Maybe he was lying .. Again? Maybe I’m just stupid. And … Maybe this is God’s way of telling me that there’s nothing left here for “us” anymore.