I’ll make this quick, I promise.
So I’ve been a little MIA lately and I’ll continue to be for a few more days while I complete my exams. Yesterday I had my first of two psych exams … It went okay. Not amazingly, but with a bit of luck I’ll pass. Tomorrow is my second psychology exam and I don’t know how well I will do. It’s all about the things that I can’t seem to get, it just wont stay in my head.
A day after my last post my ex and I talked. We got into a big argument over what happened when he came home and we haven’t talked since (which is a big deal for people who talk everyday). It all comes down to both of us pushing each other away, even though we don’t want to. The fight is both our faults, me assuming that i had a right to know what he was doing and demanding answers, when we’re not together, and him (typically) promising things that he can’t follow through with. The whole “friends” thing is still so new to us and we can’t seem to grab hold of the concept. We are both use to holding hands, kissing, hugged, playing around whenever and where ever and we just can’t do that anymore. That will take time to get use to and unfortunately time is something we don’t have.
I have thought about apologizing, breaking the ice, but I dunno .. I almost feel content right now. I don’t miss him, I don’t have an ache, I don’t feel like crying and I don’t really think about him as much as I use to. I mean … I’d love it if he were here, if i could see him as much as I use to. But I don’t feel like its a do-or-die thing, you know? And maybe its because I am in the middle of exams that i HAVE TO pass so they’re all I can think about. Or maybe this is a way to protect myself from him hurting me again … And maybe, just maybe, I am finally letting him go a little further.
Whatever it is, I know that last weekend when he was here proved something to me. I don’t know exactly what it was, but it settled something inside of me.
Maybe it’s just “time” doing it’s job. Who knows … And right now, who cares?
Oh! And I have also found myself a new TV show. Its trashy, of course, but trashy TV is what you need on rainy days and exam time … Its Gossip Girl. Yeah I know its old, but I have never watched it before … Its’ actually keeping me pretty entertained once I finished destroying my brain because of study.
NO JUDGING! Haha 🙂
I hope you’re all doing okay, and life is treating you well …. I think as this blog has proven, life throws you shit but eventually your world rights itself again and you are able to carry on, stronger than you were before and ready for the next curve ball.