So .. I’m a Psychology student right? I’m only in my first year, and i haven’t learnt a awful lot, so maybe I’m missing something. But what possesses a person to cheat? What possess someone to tear down someone else’s world, knowing the pain they are going to inflect? Then that person keeps living like its all rainbows and puppies. What person actually wants to hurt that person so much?
How can they sleep at night?
Maybe I should explain what brought on this little rant.
My overseas friend had a boyfriend in the Marines. They went out for two years and were an amazing couple with a lot of history. We started talking last year when he was coming back from deployment and they were having a hard time. At the same time, my (ex) Airman and I were going through a rough patch. We got each other through and it was just another example of how amazing (most) military SOs are in supporting one another. As we got to know each other, talked about our relationship, we talked for hours (even though our time zones make it hard) and we talked pretty much every day and night. At times i felt a little jealous because he loved her so much, even though they were going through a bad time. The week before my ex and I broke up in December, it looked like her relationship was heading in the same direction. As fate would have it, both our boys were coming home on the same day. Even though we were both opposite sides of the world, on the same day we’d know whether or not our relationships would continue. I think that pulled us closer. The days leading up to seeing them we tried our best to keep each other sane. We braved it together. And I will never forget how I was panicking one night and she was there for me through the whole thing.
Well it turned out that my Airman and I broke up but her Marine and her stayed together. I was happy for her but completely heartbroken myself. For a few more months we continued talking and she supported me through the first few heart wrenching months following my break up. On her side things were almost back to normal. He wanted to keep trying, he wanted to fix the mess he’d made. He loved her and that was that.
Just two weeks ago they broke up. I felt for her. I remember all too well how it felt, how sometimes it still does. We talked and talked and talked about it. The break up was a big shock to everyone and came out of the blue. They had two days before he came hone on leave and he sent a text saying: “I’m done. Its over.” And never spoke to her again. None of us could figure out why. We played with the idea of there being another girl, but it ended up not even being a possibility. She called him, texted him, asked his friends and still he made no effort of contact her. He picked her call up once and she asked him if she could return tis stuff and if they could talk. He hung up.
This guy that was completely head over heels in love with her suddenly didn’t want anything to do with her. His mum and friends said he’d been really lost lately and she’d told me previously that he’d been a little depressed since coming back from deployment. We all put it down to that. We couldn’t see anything else and the two of us, her and me, had explored every option about why he was acting like this. I promised her that he’d talk to her once he’d sorted himself out. She sent him a few nice texts saying how proud of him she was, how much she loved him and that she’d always love and miss him, and always remember their memories. She told him she supports him and is there anytime he needed to talk.
Two days ago we found out he was, has been, cheating. Yes that’s right, even though he denied it, even though it wasn’t a possibility, even though he was the LAST guy on earth to cheat … Well … He did. Here we are dealing with this sucky situation. And even though im not nearly as heart broken as her, not like he was my boyfriend or anything, shes my friend and I’ve been with her through her whole journey. She is so much like me, her ex is so much like mine and our relationships were so similar. And for it to enough like this? I still can’t really wrap my head around it. Im shocked, disappointed and angry.
How can he do this? How can he destroy her world, destroy a girl he loved for two years? How can he do it knowing the pain he is causing? Doesn’t he have a heart?
It got me thinking about my ex. I already know the answer to WHY we broke up wasn’t the only thing in play. I know there were other things, some of them he didn’t have to mention because I already knew, some where just left unsaid. But now I wonder whether one of those things, one of the major things was because there were another girl, or was another girl, in the picture. I don’t think my ex would ever cheat on someone, but my friend thought her Marine wouldn’t even dream of it and now here she is having to deal with the loss of her best friend and relationship in so many ways.
Part of me wants to ask him, but if there were someone else I know i wouldn’t be able to handle it. And I have just started to consistently feel better. I guess if the chance ever came up in the future i might slip it in, but right now it wouldn’t be appropriate (oh did I tell you that my ex and I have actually talked recently?)
Its sick how fate can be twisted like this and how things can change so quickly.
I will never understand what would drive someone to cheat on their partner who they supposedly love and adore. And I don’t think any amount of Psychological training will give me that answer.