I’ve just come from my dancing class … It’s partner dancing and I had a great time. It was my first time there so I had no clue what I was doing, but I soon learnt to just get led by the guy.
During the breaks I was talking to my ex.
Yes that’s right …. Since my last post, about a day after, he sent me a message and we’ve been talking almost everyday ever since. Clearing things up and trying to build a new bridge. We’ve been getting friendlier and friendlier but I have made sure that I don’t get close enough to get hurt again. So when I received this piece of information I have no idea why it’s bothered me so much.
I can’t even remember how we got onto the topic, but he suddenly blurted out that he’d slept with someone else after we broke up. Bold and underline AFTER. He did not cheat on me.
But I cannot shake this feeling. I don’t know if it’s disappointment or sadness or what. But i just have a pile of questions swimming around in my head. Was she better than me? Prettier than me? Did she mean something to him? Or was it just a one night stand? Is it a reoccurring thing?
And i cannot understand why its bugging me so much. We have been broken up for months, true we have been trying to fix our situation but that does not give me any right to him and he doesn’t have any rights over me. We are both technically single and can do what we please.
It’s now 11:45pm and I’ve tossed and turned for over an hour. I can’t sleep. I’m not hurt by it, maybe I’m just shocked? When he told me my heart stopped and my blood seemed to run cold. I didn’t even register what i was reading, i just KNEW what it said. I wanted to be sick. I still want to be sick.
I wish I knew why I felt like this. It’s not like I’m in a ball crying my eyes out. I just feel …. Meh. That’s the best way i can explain it. Almost blank, but just with a slight sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, a slight ache to my heart.
Maybe I’m not as “over” him as I thought i was? Or maybe this is how you feel when you see or hear about the person who you loved being with someone else.
All I know is that it seemed to be a one time thing. That i still mean so much to him and he still wants to fix things between us, build new bridges. That should be enough, right?
So why do I feel like this every time I think about him with another girl?
Its going to be another long, sleepless night. Luckily I have tomorrow off from Uni and training.
I sat down to do some study but ended up on here, writing this … I wonder how that happened?
I felt like I should write something that’s non-recipe, just a silly little update.
I went swimming (as in laps!) yesterday for the first time in years. My friend B and I jumped in the pool and I silently started freaking out, wondering if I’d actually remember how to swim properly. But sure enough as soon as I pushed off the wall (almost losing my bikini bottom) I remembered it all. I guess you can thank Squad training for that for most of my primary school years. We managed to swim for almost an hour but had to get out due to B’s eyes stinging. It was a lot more tiring than I remember it being, but it was a good work out. The ones where you get back in the car and can’t drive properly because your muscles are fatiguing.
They’re the good ones.
I have been okayish this week … With my eating, I mean. We had a massive show the half the population seems to go to happen this week. Bad idea when you’re trying to keep your food in check. There were stalls upon stalls with taste-testing. There were hundreds of show bag stalls and rides and games and …. I could go on forever! It was my first year this year and my mum and I went a little nuts. It’s amazing how much money you can spend in just a few short hours. We brought a whole heap of showbags and tasted a few things before heading to the Arena to see the fireworks, Rick Lee sing and watch the monster trucks and these awesome guys on the motor bikes do their stunts. It was a awesome night. They organised it so that the fireworks, laser lights and music were all in sync. Towards the end they even brought out these kites with sparklers at the end, tied to Quad bikes in time to the music.
It was a great show, something I’d go back to see.
Other than that it’s just been uni, work, training and exercise. Sometimes I looked at my timetable and don’t know how I’m going to do it. But I always do. And it’s amazed me to see how far I’ve come. When i posted those first few, heart broken posts to now.
Remember when I said, “I don’t know how I’m going to get through this year”?
Well here I am. Near the middle of August, only a short few months away from Christmas and another new year. It thrills and scares me too notice how much I’ve changed, how much I’ve grown, how broken I was but how I’m slowly putting myself back together.
And as for my ex? Well I guess that’s a old story now. As disappointed as that is, we hardly talk now. And maybe that’s how it was always meant to be, or maybe not. Maybe we just need this time apart. Who knows. But I do know that I’ve made it through without him. I made it through the unimaginable and I came out the other side (mostly sane!). It took months to realise, but I also needed to grow up. And that whatever happens between us I got the most beautiful, most amazing and breath-taking 21 months of my life with him. If that’s all I get for the rest of my life, I guess that’s okay. He was such a precious gift to me and even though it broke me in the beginning, I have learnt so much and I am thankful that I got to share the things I did with him.
I will forever love him for who and what he played in my life.
And you know what’s the best feeling? Knowing that the feeling of heartbreak is behind me. Sure, at times I miss him terribly. At times I wish with all my might that we end up together. But that new, fresh, sobbing-your-eyes-out-every-night feeling is behind me. It’s gone. It might be something that I’ll experience again, but at least I know I got through it.
For now, the bruised and battered part of my life is gone. Done and Dusted. It’s finally behind me.
Okay okay … So I know this isn’t 100% healthy, but come on …. It’s easy, 90% healthy and it really does fill you up.
Because Bruschetta is made up of very few things and the flavours are simple, it is best if you use the highest quality ingredients possible.
For this recipe I didn’t quite use a whole bunch of basil and I used red onion (best I’m liking that a lot right now).
Honestly, I went mainly on taste. If I wanted more in, I put more of something in. If I wanted less, I took it out. This recipe, while simple, is all about how you like things.
I also added some Parmason stirred through it, added some more flavour.
2 lbs. fresh tomatoes (roma, heirloom, beefsteak…whatever is in season is best)
1/2 fresh onion
4 cloves fresh garlic
1 bunch fresh basil
4 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
sea salt and fresh ground pepper
Italian bread or baguette
Step 1: Using a sharp knife, dice the tomatoes as small as you can. Step 2: Next, finely chop the onion and throw it into the bowl.
If you’re opposed to using raw onions, you can also lightly saute the chopped onion in a frying pan with a little bit of olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper. It adds a sweeter deeper flavor to the bruschetta, and is an excellent variation to this recipe.
Step 3: Next, chop the fresh garlic and add it onto the growing pile of deliciousness. Step 4: Add in some fresh Basil to taste Step 5: Add in the extra virgin olive oil, sea salt, and fresh ground pepper and mix the ingredients thoroughly. Step 6: 1/4″ thick slices of fresh Italian bread or baguette and toast them. Once the bread is good and toasted, remove it from the oven and use a pastry brush to paint each slice of bread with olive oil. Then, using half a hunk of raw garlic, rub one side of the crusty slices down to impart some delicious garlic flavor directly onto the bread. Step 7: Finally pile as much of the bruschetta as possible onto the freshly toasted bread and eat until your heart’s content!
Excuse me while I go on a rant about how fantastic this invention is!
So this is amazing. Tastes even better than the last one I put up.
This smoothie filled me up from 9am (breakfast) to about 12ish (around lunch time). And I didn’t have a awful lot. it also fed me for the next three breakfasts, plus you don’t want to keep it in your fridge for weeks because I dare say it will go off and start smelling funky.
When it came to the Apples, I forgot to peel one but it actually turned out okay. It looked a little flaky with little bits of apple skin, but tasted amazing. I peeled the other. Also with the pecans i just chucked them in with out crushing them. I thought about it, but I didn’t know if I crushed them if the blender would actually blend them. I have a pretty high powered blender, but it crushed and blended everything nicely …. No crunchy bits what so ever!
Last but not least, I put in about a tablespoon of honey at the end with the spices as it wasn’t quite as sweet as I wanted it. The honey was a nice touch.
I am very impressed with this. And because I love it so much I am making some more tomorrow morning (6:30 am wake up call …. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry!)
2 Cups Non Dairy Milk (oat, rice, soya, almond, hemp, coconut drink or raw nut or seed milk)
¼ Cup Pecans
½ Cup dates (or any other dried fruit)
1 Cup Oats (use raw oat groats if following a raw food diet or oatmeal if you don’t have a powerful blender)
1 teaspoon Cinammon
½ teaspoon Allspice/Mixed Spice
Optional: 1 Cup Spinach or other mild greens
Blend the ingredients in the order listed.
Blend the ingredients a few at a time so that your blender can cope with the work, unless you’ve got a high powered blender, then you might be able to add them all in at once.
If it gets too thick, add more water as necessary.
If your blender has made the smoothie too warm, you can either cool it down in the fridge or freezer, or add some ice cubes or frozen fruit to it (You may need to add more water as this will thicken it further).
Every time I think about this my heart gives a little jump.
My ex and I have been talking on and off a little more lately (surprise, surprise), and out of the blue he told me that they were putting in their preferences. He then continued to tell me what bases he wanted to go to. His first preference was a base just 45 minutes away from me.
I don’t understand why he was telling me all this, I mean I like that he is. Not so I know what is going on with him, but just because its nice to know that he still wants to share things with me. But my heart jumps every time i think about him being here, permanently.
I’m not holding my breath though, I know how the Air Force works … They’ll send him where they need him. Only another few months until he graduates and we find out where he’ll be headed off to!
On another completely different note …. I have a Colour Run in early October! Its 5ks and every K there’s a colour powder that is thrown at you. It looks awesome. I have three of my close friends coming with me as well. Sigh. Everything about that trip is perfect. Its at the coast, in warm weather. So we’re going up the day before, staying at my parents hotel, going to the beach and being girls. Then the next day we’ll be up, running and getting covered in powder. After we’ll be going to the “After Party” …. I can’t wait.
Sorry for the blubbering, I’m just so excited! And it will also be another short term goal for my fitness and healthiness.
&& Just so you guys know, I’m starting up another little section here. If you don’t see it in the next couple of days, it means that my idea sucked and I deleted it … But I’m going to add another “category” for my fitness & health. As you can see, I already have my recipes up so now I’ll put up a fitness one.
I guess that’s all there is for now, in my own little world.
Keep your head up & you’re heart beating!
So this little recipe is for all the Oats lovers out there, the people that love porridge so much that they want it in Summer as well.
This recipe does have its own unique taste & does require some tweaking to your likes. I accidentally put too much coco powder in the first time … Did not even up well!
Once you get the balance to how you like it right they are awesome heated up or just from the fridge. I usually have mine on the go as I’m running out the door in the mornings.
There are many more flavours, but this one is the most loved. If this recipe is a hit I will post some more OOs for all of you
1 teaspoon honey, optional (or substitute any preferred sweetener)
1/4 cup diced ripe banana, or enough to fill jar (approx. half of a small banana)
In a half pint (1 cup) jar, add oats, milk, yogurt, chia seeds, cocoa powder and honey. Put lid on jar and shake until well combined. Remove lid, add bananas and stir until mixed throughout. Return lid to jar and refrigerate overnight or up to 2 days. Eat chilled.
I’m finally getting my life organised.
I’m finally planning out my week in the diary I brought a few months back.
And when I say I’m getting my life organised I mean, my room looks like a tornado hit it and my bed it currently covered with my Uni timetable, my diary, 10 different coloured highlighters, pens, my laptop and different pieces of paper. This will then be chucked on my desk when I go to bed soon. My desk also looks like a volcano of clothes, cups, books and pens has erupted on it.
This will get cleaned up. I’m determined. I hope. Maybe.
Anyway … The reason I am writing to all of you tonight (or today for some of you) is because of the hit that smoothie recipe was. I had likes and followers and messages pouring in like the world was about to end. So i thought, “why don’t I make it a regular thing?”. Instead of it just being on Wednesdays, it’ll be whenever I find something cool, healthy and yummy that i’ve found on the Internet and made.
I have some fantastic recipes to follow, which I will put up either tomorrow or the next day.
I’m also going to be posting some of my exercises (maybe) and some tips and hints for toning and getting that kick ass body you’ve always wanted.
As some of you may have noticed, i have found out how to use the ‘categories’. Those are going to be where those awesome recipes will be posted, you to be that extra organised (as you all know I am!).
So I’ll leave you with this quote I find pretty inspiring, “Getting fit is all about passion, confidence, loving your body. It’s all about you.”