Finally Behind Me

Published August 16, 2013 by Tasha

I sat down to do some study but ended up on here, writing this … I wonder how that happened?

I felt like I should write something that’s non-recipe, just a silly little update.

I went swimming (as in laps!) yesterday for the first time in years. My friend B and I jumped in the pool and I silently started freaking out, wondering if I’d actually remember how to swim properly. But sure enough as soon as I pushed off the wall (almost losing my bikini bottom) I remembered it all. I guess you can thank Squad training for that for most of my primary school years. We managed to swim for almost an hour but had to get out due to B’s eyes stinging. It was a lot more tiring than I remember it being, but it was a good work out. The ones where you get back in the car and can’t drive properly because your muscles are fatiguing.
They’re the good ones.

I have been okayish this week … With my eating, I mean. We had a massive show the half the population seems to go to happen this week. Bad idea when you’re trying to keep your food in check. There were stalls upon stalls with taste-testing. There were hundreds of show bag stalls and rides and games and …. I could go on forever! It was my first year this year and my mum and I went a little nuts. It’s amazing how much money you can spend in just a few short hours. We brought a whole heap of showbags and tasted a few things before heading to the Arena to see the fireworks, Rick Lee sing and watch the monster trucks and these awesome guys on the motor bikes do their stunts. It was a awesome night. They organised it so that the fireworks, laser lights and music were all in sync. Towards the end they even brought out these kites with sparklers at the end, tied to Quad bikes in time to the music.
It was a great show, something I’d go back to see.

Other than that it’s just been uni, work, training and exercise. Sometimes I looked at my timetable and don’t know how I’m going to do it. But I always do. And it’s amazed me to see how far I’ve come. When i posted those first few, heart broken posts to now.
Remember when I said, “I don’t know how I’m going to get through this year”?
Well here I am. Near the middle of August, only a short few months away from Christmas and another new year. It thrills and scares me too notice how much I’ve changed, how much I’ve grown, how broken I was but how I’m slowly putting myself back together.

And as for my ex? Well I guess that’s a old story now. As disappointed as that is, we hardly talk now. And maybe that’s how it was always meant to be, or maybe not. Maybe we just need this time apart. Who knows. But I do know that I’ve made it through without him. I made it through the unimaginable and I came out the other side (mostly sane!). It took months to realise, but I also needed to grow up. And that whatever happens between us I got the most beautiful, most amazing and breath-taking 21 months of my life with him. If that’s all I get for the rest of my life, I guess that’s okay. He was such a precious gift to me and even though it broke me in the beginning, I have learnt so much and I am thankful that I got to share the things I did with him.
I will forever love him for who and what he played in my life.

And you know what’s the best feeling? Knowing that the feeling of heartbreak is behind me. Sure, at times I miss him terribly. At times I wish with all my might that we end up together. But that new, fresh, sobbing-your-eyes-out-every-night feeling is behind me. It’s gone. It might be something that I’ll experience again, but at least I know I got through it.
For now, the bruised and battered part of my life is gone. Done and Dusted. It’s finally behind me.

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2 comments on “Finally Behind Me

    • Thank you šŸ™‚
      It has taken months, a bucket load of tears and moments where i swear to god I wasn’t going to get up again … But you get there. Your body is amazing with the whole healing process, physical or mental, you just have to give it the credit. And the time (which sucks).
      Im here if you need to talk šŸ™‚

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