I’ve just come from my dancing class … It’s partner dancing and I had a great time. It was my first time there so I had no clue what I was doing, but I soon learnt to just get led by the guy.
During the breaks I was talking to my ex.
Yes that’s right …. Since my last post, about a day after, he sent me a message and we’ve been talking almost everyday ever since. Clearing things up and trying to build a new bridge. We’ve been getting friendlier and friendlier but I have made sure that I don’t get close enough to get hurt again. So when I received this piece of information I have no idea why it’s bothered me so much.
I can’t even remember how we got onto the topic, but he suddenly blurted out that he’d slept with someone else after we broke up. Bold and underline AFTER. He did not cheat on me.
But I cannot shake this feeling. I don’t know if it’s disappointment or sadness or what. But i just have a pile of questions swimming around in my head. Was she better than me? Prettier than me? Did she mean something to him? Or was it just a one night stand? Is it a reoccurring thing?
And i cannot understand why its bugging me so much. We have been broken up for months, true we have been trying to fix our situation but that does not give me any right to him and he doesn’t have any rights over me. We are both technically single and can do what we please.
It’s now 11:45pm and I’ve tossed and turned for over an hour. I can’t sleep. I’m not hurt by it, maybe I’m just shocked? When he told me my heart stopped and my blood seemed to run cold. I didn’t even register what i was reading, i just KNEW what it said. I wanted to be sick. I still want to be sick.
I wish I knew why I felt like this. It’s not like I’m in a ball crying my eyes out. I just feel …. Meh. That’s the best way i can explain it. Almost blank, but just with a slight sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, a slight ache to my heart.
Maybe I’m not as “over” him as I thought i was? Or maybe this is how you feel when you see or hear about the person who you loved being with someone else.
All I know is that it seemed to be a one time thing. That i still mean so much to him and he still wants to fix things between us, build new bridges. That should be enough, right?
So why do I feel like this every time I think about him with another girl?
Its going to be another long, sleepless night. Luckily I have tomorrow off from Uni and training.