#10 – Letters to Him

Published October 11, 2013 by Tasha

To You Baby,

Last weekend was magical.
It was breathtaking, it was exciting, it was also heart breaking. When you wrapped your arms around me and I reached up on my tiptoes to nuzzle into your neck, I didn’t realise how much I’d missed you.
When I breathed in your familiar cologne, when I saw you walking briskly towards me in uniform, with that smile, I didn’t notice how much my heart had ached for you.

When I saw you, hugged you, heard your voice first hand for the first time in four months …. It took me completely by surprise when my eyes started pooling with tears. I blinked them away before you could notice and replaced it with a smile that only you can bring out, but it still hurt. Just a little and in a familiar happy way. It was the way I use to feel every time I’d fly down to see you after being apart for a few months. Bittersweet. I was seeing you again after waiting but I knew that our time would end and we would have to return to the waiting again.

Last weekend told me everything I needed to know. I know you felt the same way. Those moments when I would turn to you and you’d already be gazing at me. So soft, so kind, so gentle. Those times when you’d murmur my name in the middle of the night, or the times when you wouldn’t stop holding me.

The four months we spent apart, struggling, felt like an eternity but the 3 days we spent together felt like a second. And then it was time for the goodbye. The last hug, the last kiss, the last word before you turned your back and walked slowly back to your truck. I stood there and watched you for as long as I could. Then I got in my car and shut the door quietly, I punched the address into the GPS and started my journey back home.

This time I didn’t let myself cry. I took a deep breath, reminded myself I will see you in two months and started to drive. I must have replayed our few days together a thousand times over by the time I walked through my front door.
This time I made myself focus on my work, on the life I have here. The hopes, the dreams, the reality. And then, when it’s time to fall back into bed, I let my mind wander to you, to us, and I find myself smiling. I go to sleep with a distant smile on my lips.

I don’t recognise myself as your girlfriend, because I’m not. We’re not there. But neither do I consider myself as your friend. I know I’m that at the very least, in our darkest moments. I know that I’m considerably more than your friend. I’m your “person” just like you’re mine. It will always be that way with us. We will always have that bond, that connection, that somehow cannot be broken. No matter what happens to us now, in the future, “we” will never be completely broken. It’s comforting.

Thank you for such a perfect weekend. It’s one that I’ve needed for a long time. And even though the timing is all wrong right now, we still have each other. We have dragged each other through hell and back this year, but somehow we’ve come out of it okay. Both stronger, more mature …. More confident people.

So thank you baby, whatever the future holds for us … I know you’re going to be there. Just like I will be. Always.

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2 comments on “#10 – Letters to Him

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