He came home earlier this week, and he leaves very early tomorrow morning. The time he had here was way too short. And it isn’t till now that “goodbye” is sinking in. It hurts. Not as much as a final goodbye, but still … the absence of a loved one hurts, regardless.
I am getting better at goodbyes though, WE’RE getting better at them. There’s no fights, or stressful moments. No tears or tantrums. its peaceful. Bittersweet. I wish i could just hold onto him, tell him to stay and he would. But I know he has to go, even though every part of me doesn’t want him to. Just writing this is bringing tears to my eyes.
The time he spent here, the time we spent together, was great. Like nothing had happened, that we were invincible, nothing could touch us. Which I know isn’t true, its just a beautiful illusion. I want so badly to believe in that illusion, but I know if I allow myself to I will end up hurt again, possibly worse than last time. And I can’t afford that. 2013 was a struggle, 2014 isn’t going to be harder.
And I know that I will see him again for Christmas. If I’m really lucky I’ll see him in two weeks, but it all depends on the AF and his Sargent. I hope it all does work out … I hope that I can see him earlier than planned. Because the things we did have planned for Christmas can no longer happen because the time he has been allocated for leave, doesn’t allow us enough space to do those things. So it would be nice to have this plan work out.
I guess it’s not really goodbye. Just “I’ll see you soon.”
I don’t think I will ever get use to seeing you in your Blues.
Yesterday you graduated. 18 months of hell done and dusted.
And even though I was unable to be there, I have never been so proud of you. You have grown so much that I hardly even remember who you were all those months ago. We thought you graduating from Basic was amazing, this … This is a totally different feeling. Knowing that you have finished all your training and off to your new base is beyond words.
You have never looked so grown up, so powerful and together than you did at your graduation. And I wish with all my heart that I could of been there to wrap my arms around you and smother you in kisses. But not this time. And you know what? I’m okay with that. I know you had your loving family there and you had the best time with them. It just goes to show how much I have grown and changed. From the girl who was PISSED OFF when she couldn’t attend your Bootcamp graduation, to the girl who is able to smile along with you, even from a state away.
In four days, you’ll be here. Coming home to me. I’ll be able to run up to you and have you wrap me up in one of your hugs. I’ll be able to hear your voice, without the crackle of a phone line. I’ll be able to touch your face, feel your warmth that I’ve messed oh so much. It may only be for a couple of days, but you’ll be back in a few short weeks for Christmas.
Congratulations baby! You deserved the epic graduation that you received.You have earned it and more. I can’t express how proud I am of you, how excited I am for your future and how privileged I feel that I have been able to share this journey with you. From Basic early 2012 to IET Grad late 2013.
I’m writing this just before work. My rooms a mess, from the previous week of exams, my head is thinking of a hundred and one things I have to do, and, unfortunately, my body can only do one thing at a time.
I have finally finished all Uni exams and is on holidays. FINALLY. I can’t even begin to explain how good that feels. Knowing that I don’t have to be stressed about an up coming exam, or feel guilty about watching a movie when I really should be studying. This feeling was short lived when He got new orders …. Or as I like to say, an Add On.
In mid-Febuary next year he will be posted overseas. We don’t know for how long yet, but because he is going with his new Squadron, hopefully it will only be for 3-6 months. Its frustrating that we have no idea whats happening with that, and as equally as frightening. Him on the other hand is over the moon he’s going. And so he should be. Being posted overseas is a big deal for him and his future. He will rank up quicker and he will be one of the youngest going over there. If he can handle it well, behave himself and do as he’s told, it will be like gold on his record.
As happy as I am for him, I am also sad. We are just getting back on track, we are finally okay again and then this is thrown our way. I guess this will be the test.
I am also starting my new routine of dance, work, gym, cooking and riding. My life is finally organised (unlike my room) all I need to do now is follow it.
I am also working two jobs, which makes me also working full time. I’ll tell you why I have to work so much a little later, once things are finalised a little more. But its exciting! And I can’t wait for it!!
He … The love of my life … Is graduating tomorrow. I couldn’t be more thrilled or more proud. He has overcome so much. He has put his heart and soul into his training and now, as of tomorrow, he will be finished. He will get to spend the day today and tomorrow with his family. He will be able to celebrate everything, all his ups and downs. And I wish with all my heart that I could be there, but unfortunately that isn’t the way it worked out.
Then a week exactly from yesterday, he will be home. I will be in his arms again. As he said last night, “I will be coming home to you.” I never thought those words could melt my heart as much as they did. Coming home to you. After everything that’s happened, I never thought he’d stay them again.
There are so many changes happening in my life, all for the good. And I couldn’t be happier right now. It’s funny how things have a way of working out in the end, isn’t it?
After a rough few weeks … Things are slowly turning around.
He has finally got his orders cleared up, and even though it wasn’t where he initially wanted to be posted to he is making the most of it. I can see that he’s excited too. In just a few short weeks I’ll be seeing him again, which was a surprise, since I didn’t think I’d be seeing him until Christmas time. I did a little bit of a happy dance when I found out.
And now he’s back to his usual self, which is a relief. I was getting a little edgy for a bit there.
As for me, I’ve just finished my first exam out of two. And right now I’m meant to be cleaning my bedroom, but instead I’m lying on my bed, listening to my music and chilling in front of my fan. Only a little under a week before holidays. I can’t wait … Even though I will be working my butt off these Summer holidays to save up, I’ll still get my down time. And it will allow me to get ready to face 2014, a year that I pray and hope is kind to me. After this disaster of a year, I really would like to be given a bit of a break!
But I do get to go camping with Him in the Summer, and I get a good dose of the beautiful beaches, sunshine and surfing. And on the note of sunshine …. I’m so white! I need to get a bit of colour in me before someone mistakes me for a Vampire!
I’m hoping this coming Summer will be wonderful, unlike the last.
Last Summer I was a heart broken, withdrawn mess who had no idea how awful the year was going to get. But it has taught me a lot, I have grown up and matured a lot. It has been a heart of hurt but also a year of learning … Just bring on the Summer of 2013.