He came home earlier this week, and he leaves very early tomorrow morning. The time he had here was way too short. And it isn’t till now that “goodbye” is sinking in. It hurts. Not as much as a final goodbye, but still … the absence of a loved one hurts, regardless.
I am getting better at goodbyes though, WE’RE getting better at them. There’s no fights, or stressful moments. No tears or tantrums. its peaceful. Bittersweet. I wish i could just hold onto him, tell him to stay and he would. But I know he has to go, even though every part of me doesn’t want him to. Just writing this is bringing tears to my eyes.
The time he spent here, the time we spent together, was great. Like nothing had happened, that we were invincible, nothing could touch us. Which I know isn’t true, its just a beautiful illusion. I want so badly to believe in that illusion, but I know if I allow myself to I will end up hurt again, possibly worse than last time. And I can’t afford that. 2013 was a struggle, 2014 isn’t going to be harder.
And I know that I will see him again for Christmas. If I’m really lucky I’ll see him in two weeks, but it all depends on the AF and his Sargent. I hope it all does work out … I hope that I can see him earlier than planned. Because the things we did have planned for Christmas can no longer happen because the time he has been allocated for leave, doesn’t allow us enough space to do those things. So it would be nice to have this plan work out.
I guess it’s not really goodbye. Just “I’ll see you soon.”