Its shitty weather. I’m wearing a jumper and long pants and its in the middle of summer …
Which, usually, makes everyone lazy. Me included.
But today, I have manage to finish packing. Yes that’s right. In three days we’ll get the keys to the new place and from then to the 1st we will start moving all our stuff in. I can’t believe it’s all happening. Where did the past two weeks go? Where did all my “saved” money go!?
Everyone told me it’d go fast, but they never told me how the sheer panic mixed with utter excitement and overflowing happiness would rush through you as D-day fast approaches. Once I leave my house I am truly and utterly alone … Money wise that is. To an 19 year old with an expensive hobby and a boyfriend who is a state away in the Air Force, it’s a scary thing.
I can do it. I have to do it. There’s no turning back now!
It’s taken me a long time to come to terms about whats happening and its taken equally as long to accept. Normally writing about such things given me some sort of peace, a out let. Isn’t that why we all do it? To see all our thoughts and feelings on a page, and try to make sense of it all.
And sometimes it does. You have those moments, in mid-sentence, where it suddenly all becomes clear. But this time I had to make some sort of sense of whats happening to actually put it in words.
My parents are separating.
To a lot of you, it sounds so simple. Sure, you will understand how messy it can get and how upsetting it can be. But to me, its one thing on top of another. My mother is being left with nothing and my father is someone I don’t even recognize anymore. My sister cries herself to sleep every night and she is so close to jumping off the deep end. My family is falling apart and I can’t do anything about it.
I was brought up in a Christian household. Separation/ divorce is a sin. I was brought up with strong beliefs and as I’ve gotten older I have adapted and formed my own values and beliefs. But when your parents, who have taught you that love is eternal and marriage is forever, suddenly announce their separation it shakes you and everything you thought you believed in, seems to crumble. It has taken me many months and several heart to hearts with Him to right myself again. My sister on the other hand, is a ball of rage and I’m yet to figure out who or what she’ll take it out on.
Things started off fine and then they got messy. My father started threatening my mum and she is doing everything in her power to keep him happy so she can have my sister 50/50. Including not getting anything, no money, no house nothing. All the money is going to my father and my mum is starting off from scratch. From her first pay check. Luckily she is able to flat with her best friend, but she is still expected to pay for my sister’s private school, her ballet and girl guides. Among supporting herself and my sister as just two people.
I have never been more mad at my father.
Luckily I am able to almost support myself and my horse. And thankfully I am moving out in 8-10 days. Which is the happy part of all things. I will be moving out with my best friend and her boyfriend. And even though their relationships isn’t the best right now, we cannot wait to live together. And I can’t wait to start living this new chapter of my life.
The Boy (Him) is good. Things have been a little rough the past week but we are slowly pushing through. We are starting to prove to each other that we’re both as serious about this as the other. And I am starting to believe him when he says “I’m here to stay”. We still have a very long way to go and we still have a lot of battles we need to overcome, but its nice to have peace in at least once aspect of my life.
I guess that’s it for now. As I settle into my new house I will start back with the recipes and they will flood your feed! I have some good ones up my sleeve.
My first post of 2014 …. And I really don’t want to write anything.
I am so sorry that I haven’t been posting much, my family and I have been going through some massive changes that I’m yet to write about. The changes are both exciting and scary. And an eye opener. And a reality check. And … A lot of things. Some of them were hard to face, while others I can’t wait for.
During the next few days I’ll write a big post where I still my guts to you all. But right now I need to take a moment to myself and just breath. Its been a whirlwind of emotions, mainly good. And this will probably be the only time this year I can totally be by myself.
Plus, today didn’t exactly start off that well. All my plans for the day went down the toilet when my car didn’t start. I panicked because where I live, if you don’t have a car you have no hope of going anywhere. Cars are the only transport. I called RACQ and they figured out that it was my key causing the problem. It wasn’t my car, my car is perfectly fine. Its my key that has died. I was so embarrassed!
So todays a breathing day, with a side of dance training and semi formal shopping with my baby sister.