I had a girl look at me with sad eyes yesterday and utter those words, “How do you DO distance?”
She couldn’t ever imagine being separated from her boyfriend for more than a night and she couldn’t ever believe how you survived distance. Those relationships were destined to fail.
I look at her with a small smile and shrugged, “You don’t just DO distance. You adapt. You learn and you survive. Its what happens when the love of your life is away.”
No one puts their hand up for distance, no one goes “Oh pick me!”
But when you fall in love with someone and they enlist, or when your heart lives in a different country, you learn to deal with it. Sure, it’s hard, it’s frustrating, annoying and heartbreaking at times. It’s a million things. You just learn to pick yourself up again and keep on going.
I wait. Months and months. It’s been 5 months since I’ve seen my boyfriend. And everytime he comes home on leave, its amazing. I will hold him close and spend every moment I can with him. Cherish the days and nights we’re able to be with each other. And then when it’s time for him to return to base, I let him go.
I give him a hug, a kiss and I whisper, “I’ll see you soon.”
And then I watch him board the plane.
Its not easy. The first lot of times I cried my eyes out as I walked back to the car, or in the shower that night, or later in the shopping center, or just randomly somewhere. But with each separation you get stronger, your partner gets stronger and so does your relationship. Until one day the “goodbyes” don’t take so much out of you, until one day you realise that you’ve adapted. You’ve grown and you’ve learnt.
Then, a month, a year, four years down the track you aren’t saying “goodbyes” anymore, you’re saying, “Goodnight.
That is what keeps you going. Hope. Faith. And love.
Its amazing how an idea that was presented to you just 48 hours ago, can now be your reality.
I have decided to go ahead and move to Darwin. The only thing that is holding me back is the University. I have put my application in, and now I just have to wait to get a offer. I need to be accepted into Psychological Sciences. If I don’t get accepted then I can’t go to Darwin.
There is no point in messing up my studies to go travel.
I am so excited for this opportunity. And the more I think about it the more I want to go. The Boy seems happy about it too. He has his problems with it, but only because I’m going to be there with no one I know, no friends or family.
I make friends easy enough.
I’ve been staying at my friend’s place for a few days now and she brought up a interesting idea as we were lying on the couch last night.
She asked if I had ever considered moving in or at least moving near Him. I looked up from my phone, my heart had sort of fumbled. Of course I’d thought about moving closer to him but Id never seriously thought about it. After all, wouldn’t he have asked if thats what he wanted?
Plus our relationship isn’t the most stable. We have broken up twice. Both times were out of the blue and things he could of come to me for. But instead he freaks out and throws in the towel.
He has been better this time around.
She brought up some really good points.
How it could relieve the stress and tension when he comes home. As he doesn’t want to let anyone down and just goes with the flow when he comes home, which ends up with only seeing me once or twice while he’s here. And that causes arguments.
I would be closer to him (I’d move to Darwin) .. About a 2/3 hour drive. Rather than a $600-800 (round trip) plane ride and a 3 hour drive, that I am currently
It will give us a more “normal” relationship. More “us” time and maybe a clearer view of where we want things to go.
I have always wanted to live in different places. Meet different people, travel around Australia a bit … If i was braver & I spoke the language I’d go study in Italy or Greece or Paris or something. But I have my horse and family in Australia.
It would be a good experience, even if I was to return after 6 months.
These are just some of the points we both came up with together. And then as I lay in bed, I also came up with ideas why it might not work so well.
The military changes. He’s meant to be there for 3-4 years. But they can chop and change orders, in a blink of an eye. What if I moved up there and then a few months later he got posted somewhere else? Melbourne? Sydney? Brisbane? And I’m still in Darwin.
I have my friends here. And even though I know my best friends will still be here and would visit, I would miss out on their lives.
I would miss out on my little sister growing up. She’s only 16.
What if Him and I didn’t work out?
I am thinking about this for me. I really am. It would be a good experience. But it would also mean I’d miss out on a lot of things. And as much as I would love to say He doesn’t have any influence over this decision, he does. I would be a fool to think I wasn’t also doing this to be closer to him, to strength our relationship.
Because right now, I can’t see any end to this distance. Its just one black tunnel that isn’t going to end anytime soon.
Lately I’ve just been thinking, why am I waiting 4, 5, 6 months at a time to only see this guy once or twice in the week he comes home? Only to repeat it over and over and over again.
It’s getting tiring.
And I know … Lots of people have it worse off then me. But if you had the power to change the distance between you and your loved one …. Wouldn’t you?