adventure

All posts tagged adventure

Just Another Update

Published December 19, 2014 by Tasha

I’m sitting here, right next to the air con, trying to get cool. Queensland is horrible. Its dry, windy heat that we don’t have in the Northern Territory.
Beside me are my mum’s flatmate’s three poodles. They too are stretched out on the bed trying to find away to cool down. It’s too hot.

For the past 4 months I’ve gone to sit down and write, but instead I’ve stared at the blank screen trying to figure out what to write. How do I make my ordinary life interesting? How do I reach out to my followers like all those good blogs do? How do I touch your lives with my seemingly boring one?
I don’t have an answer, so instead I’ll give you just another update.

Since my last entry, nothing much has changed. Same things, just a different day. Uni, Work, Training,  Boyfriend. Everything is going smoothly.
Although I didn’t do as well as I wanted to in Uni this year, I accomplished other things. My horse is really coming along. He’s fat and happy, not getting the exercise he deserves right now but that will soon change when I get back from my holiday in Queensland.

My relationship is better than ever. Sometimes I wait for the other shoe to drop, I wait for a problem to crop up and shatter this blissful feeling, but no. Every hurdle that comes out way we seem to just step over effortlessly. Together. We travel back and forth to each other, mostly taking it in turns. I’m absolutely in love with him. I hope it’s only upwards from here.

Nothing much has changed in the last four months. I’m feeling much more settled in Darwin. I still struggle to call in home, but I feel content and happy there. Poor for the majority of the time, but just rich enough to put a little petrol in the ute and just a little food in me. The life of a Uni student I suppose.

I wont promise you I’ll start writing more, but I’d like to try. Its good and healthy and it keeps me busy in the heat of the day.
So, I’ll see you soon lovelies.

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It’s Coming to an End

Published July 9, 2014 by Tasha

The distance I mean. Soon it will be (mostly) over.
We still have a three (very long) hour drive between us and with his work, 4 wheel driving, motor cross and ruby training as well as my Uni, work, dance, (maybe) cheerleading and horse riding, we will probably only see each other every 3 weeks or so. BUT that is better than what we currently have to deal with.
Seeing your SO every 4-6 months is a pain in the bloody ass. I know a lot of people have it harder, and a lot of people would kill to be able to see their loved one every 4-6 months. But after 2 years, I’m so very done with distance.

I saw The Boy on Sunday when I spent a week at his place. It was wonderful. And I realised a lot about our relationship.

I don’t have much to update you guys on. I’m frantically packing, cleaning, washing and figuring out everything before I leave to make the three day trip, next Wednesday!

Learning – He will Always Come Back.

Published May 7, 2014 by Tasha

Its amazing, and a little terrifying, that you still learn things about your partner even after being with them for years.

I have known my guy for 19 years and have dated him for almost 3 of them. And I am still discovering major things about him. One I learnt tonight. It’s something that has been a massive issue in our relationship and has created a lot of hurt in the past.

He goes through these “phases” (as he like to put it) where he will push me away and act incredibly distant. And when he acts like this I worry about his affections for me. I automatically think he doesn’t want me anymore, that he doesn’t love me and he wants to end “us”.
Because there is a big part of me that worries too much. Over thinks and over analyse things. I take things too personally and take on other people’s dramas when I have more than enough to worry about.

And, as far as he’s concerned, that isn’t the case at all. Just because he’s distant, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want me. It means that somethings going on and I just need to wait for him to come back to me.

This week is a good example.
For exactly a week he’s been distant. He’s pushed me away. And when he pushes me away, even I find it hard to recognise it. He does it in such a way, my emotions get caught up in themselves and I over think every little thing. This whole week has been one big rough patch, I have felt awful … Three times this week I have cried myself to sleep, convinced I was losing him. After all he was showing all the signs; taking hours to reply to my text messages, or not replying at all. Not holding a conversation, when usually he’s the one to contact me first and keep a healthy, hilarious (or serious) conversation alive. Usually we’re talking every day for hours, or he’ll call me. Even the way he talked to me changed from “boyfriend” to “I can’t be bothered with you”.

And then tonight happened.
My mind had set its self on the idea that either he did not want me anymore or another girl was involved. I laid it all out on the table, waiting for him to confirm my fears.
Of course he didn’t. Because he’s not the type of guy.
Of course there wasn’t another girl.
And of course he didn’t want to end things.
He still didn’t tell me what was wrong until I dug just a little bit deeper.

“I always fail”
Me: What do u mean you always fail?!
“I always seem to let you down in the end.” 

That text and the few that followed from him almost broke my heart. I’m pretty sure a bit of it fell off.
He has always struggled with that and it’s been my job to reassure him that he’s wrong. And it hurt to see him wrestle with these thought tonight. But at the same time I learnt something new about him, about us.

He might go through these phases but it doesn’t mean anything. Its not personal. It doesn’t mean he hates me, or doesn’t want me anymore. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love me or wants to end things. It simply means he’s working through something and I just need to have patience. Worrying isn’t going to help. Freaking out and demanding answers wont help either. Being there when he needs me, at the exact moment he needs me, will help, whether he wants it or not.

And most importantly, believing and knowing that he will come back to me. Because why not?
He has always come back to me, he has never left me … Not entirely.
The friendship, trust and the bond that has been built over the years has always carried us through.
Tonight I learnt that it’s stronger than what I give it credit for.

73 days and counting!

Published May 3, 2014 by Tasha

I had just come back from shopping with V (one of my best friends who’s an army wife). And i had 10 minutes to submit my assignment. 
Flinging my shopping on the kitchen counter, I raced over to my computer. I had my emails open and one caught my eye. 
The acceptance or rejection letter sent from the Darwin University. My hands were shaking and I opened it, my mind was tossing around a thousand things.  
I had to read the letter twice, before it sunk in.

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I am pleased to inform you that you have been offered a place in the Bachelor of Psychological Science at Charles Darwin University…”

Seeing the time, I quickly uploaded my assigment and sent it off. Sighed heavily and then closed the screen. The acceptance letter was still sitting there.
“Oh my god. Oh my god” I breathed over and over again. My hands were shaking, my voice was shaking, I was shaking. V, who was making lunch, looked up,
What? What’s going on?”
“I got in.” It took a little bit for it to sink in. I took another big breath, “I. Got. In!!!”

I still can’t believe it. Even a few weeks later. I can’t believe that this idea V helped me with, is reality.
In 73 short days, the car will be packed, my “see you laters” told and the music will be playing as the Boy and I make our way across the country. 4 days on the road together. And the distance finally closed.
We will still have a 3 hour drive between us, but we will be in the same state again. We will see each other every 2/3 weeks instead of every 4/5 months.

My next little adventure.
I never thought it would be my turn when I could say, “After 2 and a bit years, we will be closing the distance. Finally.”
This is what we have fought, struggled, hoped and loved towards.

One Word. Amazing.

Published April 1, 2013 by Tasha

I just have one word to describe today … AMAZING.
It was pure and utter freedom. I can’t describe it any other way. The music was blasting out of the car stereo, the wind was in our hair and it felt like we were invincible.

Today was the day that my girls and I had been holding out for. We all needed this trip more than life it’s self it seemed. For the first time ever I went 4-wheel driving on the beach (my dad of course made sure it was safe and gave me a “crash course” before we were let loose). My two girls came along and we packed the most beautiful picnic. We found a isolated part of the beach, turned up the music, danced until we collapsed and ate until we couldn’t move.
After the tied had gone down we packed up our things, changed the music to something upbeat and jumped into the car ready for some more adventure.
The sun was out, making it a hot day but the salty breeze gave the day a perfect temperature. The sand was white and gold and the water was an amazing crystal blue. When we looked ahead of us, it looked like it stretched on forever. The day could not have been more perfect.

Of course we had our fun. Fish-tailing the Rodeo. We sped over the bumps, and glided along the smooth sand once the tied had gone out. Later we parked and watched the sunset go down. We made some new friends and showed some of the guys how it’s done. We couldn’t get enough of the feeling that comes with driving on the beach with your best friends and some good music. As one of the girls said, “I feel like we’re in one of those movies. Where the girls are having the time of their lives and you sit there wishing you could do something like that. I feel so much more alive out here.”
And that’s the only way I can really explain the feeling.
We were free of all our problems for the day. Anything that was hurting us, went away. For just a day we could pretend we were free from every bad thing.

But … No day comes without it’s problems. It first started when I took the wrong turn and ended up adding another 15 minutes to the 2 hour trip. Then the shop we needed to go to for the beach permit, was closed and no one else in Bribie could help us. So after travelling around for another half hour we eventually found a place that sold them. And then … While forgetting completely that my ex was on leave … He drives past us, on the beach, and stops. He tells his friends to stop driving, gets out and comes over to me.
He asks if I’m okay …. I seriously don’t know what possessed him to come over to us, but he did. I don’t even know why he did when the last time we talked a few days ago, he didn’t want me in his life and to stay out of it.

But it was better this time. I was able to keep my cool. I was able to walk away without thinking I was going to throw up. This time I was able to continue on, happy as anything, enjoying life. And this time, I don’t want to text him like last time. This time I am able to sit back and let him come to me … Either that or fade from of my life … It’s his choice and I’m so relieved.

It really was the most amazing day of my life. The feeling, the “high” we felt was unlike anything I could ever explain. 4 wheel driving was one of the things I really wanted to do with my ex, but today just showed me that, yet again, I don’t need him to do these things. I can have just as much fun with my girls.
As I live my life without him, I see that I don’t need him to be happy. I don’t need him to have an amazing future. I don’t need him period. And really, to be honest, as much as I love him and want the best for him, I am glad that I can prove to myself I am just as capable without him.

And that alone is an amazing feeling …

One of “those” days

Published January 31, 2013 by Tasha

Today is just one of those days.
I use to have them when my Airman & i were still dating. My heart would hurt because i was missing him so much. But back then at least i could smile at our photos, send him a text, read over the cute ones he’d sent me that morning or the night before. I could look forward to our future & the next time i’d be flying down to see him. I could plan & watch those military homecomings on youtube. And then before i knew it I was smiling & my heart was lifting …

Now … I can’t look at those photos because they’re blurred with tears. I can’t read those texts because i have to scroll past the ones he sent me just before we broke up. I can’t send him a text saying I love him & miss him because we aren’t together anymore. And i can’t look forward to our future together because we have none. I can’t smile about getting plane tickets & seeing his buddies, because that will never happen again.

As much as the distance sucked, as much as i missed him … that was so much better than this. This is agony & i don’t know how much more of this I can stand.
At least when my heart was hurting i could go to him.

I wish more than anything I still had him.

God … I am a mess …