I’m sitting here, right next to the air con, trying to get cool. Queensland is horrible. Its dry, windy heat that we don’t have in the Northern Territory.
Beside me are my mum’s flatmate’s three poodles. They too are stretched out on the bed trying to find away to cool down. It’s too hot.
For the past 4 months I’ve gone to sit down and write, but instead I’ve stared at the blank screen trying to figure out what to write. How do I make my ordinary life interesting? How do I reach out to my followers like all those good blogs do? How do I touch your lives with my seemingly boring one?
I don’t have an answer, so instead I’ll give you just another update.
Since my last entry, nothing much has changed. Same things, just a different day. Uni, Work, Training, Boyfriend. Everything is going smoothly.
Although I didn’t do as well as I wanted to in Uni this year, I accomplished other things. My horse is really coming along. He’s fat and happy, not getting the exercise he deserves right now but that will soon change when I get back from my holiday in Queensland.
My relationship is better than ever. Sometimes I wait for the other shoe to drop, I wait for a problem to crop up and shatter this blissful feeling, but no. Every hurdle that comes out way we seem to just step over effortlessly. Together. We travel back and forth to each other, mostly taking it in turns. I’m absolutely in love with him. I hope it’s only upwards from here.
Nothing much has changed in the last four months. I’m feeling much more settled in Darwin. I still struggle to call in home, but I feel content and happy there. Poor for the majority of the time, but just rich enough to put a little petrol in the ute and just a little food in me. The life of a Uni student I suppose.
I wont promise you I’ll start writing more, but I’d like to try. Its good and healthy and it keeps me busy in the heat of the day.
So, I’ll see you soon lovelies.
Sorry for the lack of updates .. I’m just lacking inspiration at the moment.
Right now the weather is all shitty, its rainy, cold and cloudy all the time. My days are full with Uni, gym and work. My life isn’t very interesting right now. But the upside to everything is that I am doing better.
Overall I don’t miss him (or maybe I am so use to missing him I have gone numb) and I feel ready to start dating again. I don’t have those moment when my heart pinches and my stomach sinks when I remember something. Memories don’t hurt so much anymore and I am able to look forward to the day I will have an amazing guy walk into my life and show me why it never worked out with anyone else.
In my Psychology tute today, we were talking about relationships, analyzing them and using the Attachment Theory. My tutor has known me for years and knew my story with my ex. She thought it would be example to use and one that would be good to “pick apart”. I was able to get up there, not naming him of course, and tell about 20 classmates my journey with my ex. Almost from start to finish.
By the end the girls in the class had tears in their eyes and I’m fairly use most of the guys won’t ever look at me the same, but I was able to be strong enough to talk about it and not feel any pain. None. Nothing. It was a good feeling. And I was able to laugh and smile as I recalled our memories and fantastic moments, because he will always be special to me and I will always cherish our moments together.
I don’t feel so pissed off with him all the time now. The anger has worn away, and I am just settling into a more peaceful state. It will be interesting to see what happens to both of us if we see each other when he comes home on leave in a few months. But this is all to do with the moving on process. I understand why we broke up and I have let him go. Now the last part of my healing is almost done, just the moving on part. I feel happy enough to start dating seriously again, in fact I want to.
For as long as I live my ex will always have a place in my heart and unfortuantly a small part of my heart will always love him. I will always cherish our memories and keep him close to me. But now I know that I can live without him, I understand that he was there, my rock, in a time of my life that i so critically needed. That part is now over and I have moved on.
And I will always be grateful to him for teaching me so much, but he’s no apart of my life anymore and that is okay with me. Whether he wants to be apart of my life or not is he choice and right now I am content in just going about my life.