girlfriend

All posts tagged girlfriend

Drum Roll Please …. “Defacto”

Published July 5, 2015 by Tasha

We were driving in his car, on the way to drop me back off at my dorm. Our bellies were full from lunch and we were quiet because it was our last day together for a few weeks. 
It was in that moment, as we stopped at a red light, that I asked him where he thought we were going. You see, throughout the last few years he had always squirmed at the idea of “marriage” or “living together”. It wasn’t so much a commitment thing, more a personal thing. I knew this when I moved to be closer to him, and I made sure that I wasn’t moving JUST for him. I knew full well that after he posted out of the NT, we could very much go our separate ways. He gets posted away and I graduate University and go my own way in life. No matter how much history we had, or the crazy chemistry that had kept us alive over miles and miles and miles throughout the years, I knew that maybe we just weren’t meant to be together in the “grown up” world. Maybe we were highschool sweethearts that weren’t able to be anything else then that first big love of your life.

So when he looked at me with those breath taking blue eyes, smiled his charming smile and said “I’ve been thinking about us becoming defacto”, I knew something had shifted. 
Yes, I almost choked and it took me a full couple of minutes to recover from the shock. He relished the idea that he had rendered me speechless and took the moment to expand on what he had just said. 
We were on the main road back to campus at this point. My mind was buzzing, I had so many questions but I was unable to say anything apart from stare at him or out the window as he quickly explained where he was coming from. 

As he spoke about defacto and how he had been thinking about it for a few months (way before I even thought it was a possibility) I couldn’t stop thinking about how far he had come. FINALLY. After all these years, after all this time, it was coming together. FINALLY. Finally this day had come. 

That was a few months ago now. Since then the “idea” of becoming defacto is now a very real possibility. There are still a few hurdles to jump through, like money, we have to overcome first. But the very notion of this means the world to me. We are aiming to get a house to start (and complete) the defacto process at the end of this year. As we are going away on a holiday near the end of this year, getting a place will be tricky. But at the end of this year, beginning of next, is the only time we have to do it before I have to sign a year long contract at the Uni campus or become homeless.

I can’t believe how far we have come, just this year alone! And my love for him just keeps growing … Maybe we were meant to last in this crazy ride we call the “adult world”.
Maybe, just maybe, if you’re really lucky, you get to keep the first big love of your life.

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Saying Goodbye

Published February 15, 2015 by Tasha

You know its coming and even though you’ve gone it a million times before, it still leaves you feeling empty. It leaves you feeling hollow and alone, even if you’d just had the most amazing time with him. And every time they leave you have that moment, that second, where you really consider what it’s doing to you. To them. To the relationship. Instead of seeing a light at the end of this dark, tiring tunnel, you see a small flicker and sometimes, in these moments, it almost goes out completely. Almost.

By now, coming into our third year of distance, this May, I have a routine down pat. Once he leaves, I walk back into my room with my heart still beating fast from that last kiss, that last hug, those last few touches and I curl up in bed. It still smells like him and I wrap myself in the blankets, with his hoodie on, and I fall asleep for a few hours. He usually gives me a text when he’s arrived home, just so I know he’s okay. We’ll talk for a little bit before one of us falls asleep. And then I get up the next day and go about my business, wishing I could come home to him.

Saying goodbye is never easy. And there have been, there are times, that we have both really thought about what we are doing. Moving to Darwin was a decision I made to close the distance, but even then, we still have a car ride and fuel prices to pay before we can make the trip to see each other.

One day it will be over. One day he will come home to me, every single night. One day I will be able to wake up to him every single morning and not have to worry about when he is leaving again. One day we will have a place of our own.
One day, we will look back and say “we’ve made it.”

Date Night

Published December 24, 2014 by Tasha

I was 20 minutes late. As I flew up the stairs that led into the house, I slammed into my mum.
“Someone’s in a hurry”
“I’m late!” I hollered as I hurried down the hallway, “I’m 20 minutes late!”
I don’t think I’ve ever got dressed, put my make up on and got my hair done that quick. Ever. The things he makes me do.

It was a beautiful night. We haven’t had a dinner date, or any date really, for so long. It was all smiles and laughter. Lots of cuddles and kisses. Dinner was amazing and we ate so much food I almost had to roll out of the restaurant.  He took me to Mt Cootha, which is a hill that overlooks the city. And on a clear night, you can see all the city lights. You can see all the planes flying into the airport and all the cars speeding along the road. From that mountain top, everything looks tiny. Everything looks like you could pick it up and play with them. And then it was back to my mums place, where I’m staying, for a few movies.

I wish we could do things like that more often.

Just Another Update

Published December 19, 2014 by Tasha

I’m sitting here, right next to the air con, trying to get cool. Queensland is horrible. Its dry, windy heat that we don’t have in the Northern Territory.
Beside me are my mum’s flatmate’s three poodles. They too are stretched out on the bed trying to find away to cool down. It’s too hot.

For the past 4 months I’ve gone to sit down and write, but instead I’ve stared at the blank screen trying to figure out what to write. How do I make my ordinary life interesting? How do I reach out to my followers like all those good blogs do? How do I touch your lives with my seemingly boring one?
I don’t have an answer, so instead I’ll give you just another update.

Since my last entry, nothing much has changed. Same things, just a different day. Uni, Work, Training,  Boyfriend. Everything is going smoothly.
Although I didn’t do as well as I wanted to in Uni this year, I accomplished other things. My horse is really coming along. He’s fat and happy, not getting the exercise he deserves right now but that will soon change when I get back from my holiday in Queensland.

My relationship is better than ever. Sometimes I wait for the other shoe to drop, I wait for a problem to crop up and shatter this blissful feeling, but no. Every hurdle that comes out way we seem to just step over effortlessly. Together. We travel back and forth to each other, mostly taking it in turns. I’m absolutely in love with him. I hope it’s only upwards from here.

Nothing much has changed in the last four months. I’m feeling much more settled in Darwin. I still struggle to call in home, but I feel content and happy there. Poor for the majority of the time, but just rich enough to put a little petrol in the ute and just a little food in me. The life of a Uni student I suppose.

I wont promise you I’ll start writing more, but I’d like to try. Its good and healthy and it keeps me busy in the heat of the day.
So, I’ll see you soon lovelies.

D-Day is Approaching … Ready or Not!

Published January 27, 2014 by Tasha

Its shitty weather. I’m wearing a jumper and long pants and its in the middle of summer …
Which, usually, makes everyone lazy. Me included.
But today, I have manage to finish packing. Yes that’s right. In three days we’ll get the keys to the new place and from then to the 1st we will start moving all our stuff in. I can’t believe it’s all happening. Where did the past two weeks go? Where did all my “saved” money go!?
Everyone told me it’d go fast, but they never told me how the sheer panic mixed with utter excitement and overflowing happiness would rush through you as D-day fast approaches. Once I leave my house I am truly and utterly alone … Money wise that is. To an 19 year old with an expensive hobby and a boyfriend who is a state away in the Air Force, it’s a scary thing.
I can do it. I have to do it. There’s no turning back now!

“A lot can change in a year”

Published December 31, 2013 by Tasha

I can hardly believe that a year as nearly been and done. It has gone too fast. And I can hardly believe that this time last year I was curled up in my bed, bawling my eyes out feeling like I’d never be okay again. I can’t believe how my life has changed, how much I’ve grown and just how much I have learnt about myself. About the power of the heart, the meaning of forgiveness and love, knowing that I just have to have faith.

It would of been just a few short days from now that He said those words, “a lot can change in a year”. I didn’t believe him. At that time he was my best friend, my recently ex boyfriend how had ripped my heart out in the cruelest way without much of a reason or warning. I refused to believe him when he said, “I’ll come back to you.” I wanted to desperately to believe that, I wanted to cling onto that. I wanted to be assured that I would be given happiness with him again. But as with all break ups, you aren’t given that reassurance. So I had to go on without him and with that I grew stronger. I became more independent, wanting my own things and forming my own dreams. I had my fair shares of falls, only a month after my break up, my best friend was murdered. She died in my arms. And that is something I will never heal from, I will only learn to live with the ache of her absence. Her murder, or “accident” as we thought it was at the time, has been a on going thing. But that helped me grow into the person I am now. And then my parents announced their divorce.  Which coming from a Christian household was like having the ground open up and threaten to eat you. That taught me, is continuing to teach me, one hundred and one things. And then I had something truly awful happen to me in October, it has taken a toll on both Him and me. That situation taught me to be careful who I trust, who I drink around and to always be on guard, even if you’re with your closest friends.
Everything that has happened this year has shown me the power of being and adult, the harshness of consequences, and the strength of the human heart and soul.

Last year I was barely getting through New Years. I was on a little boat, watching fireworks with my family. Forcing laughter and faking smiles. I kept checking facebook and hovering my finger over the “friends” button next to His name. It was the only form of contact I could of had, I’d deleted everything else and anyone else associated with him. On that boat, pretending that I was happy, I tried hard not to remember the previous New Years. We’d been on a beach, he spent hours upon hours telling me what he had planned for us. Our little day dream. To have that crash down, is something I could never explain.

This New Years has done a total 360. My ex and I (Him) have overcome so much, we have both healed and grown. We have supported, encouraged and carried each other through our darkest moments,  and now it’s time to just relax and let go. Having him here for New Years is one amazing thing in itself but going out, spending this time together, exploring our city’s nightlife together …. These are the memories that we will take with us when we’re apart.

As fast as 2013 has gone, I am not sad to see it go. I have big expectations for 2014 and I pray, I hope, that 2014 is miles better than the year I’ve just had. It is starting well though.
I have my Airman, the man of my dreams, holding me, surrounded by our closest friends. I have an amazing dress that I’m completely in love with and for once this year I am happy. Nothing fake about it. Nothing forced. I am happy, excited, thrilled …. For the first time in a while I feel free and comfortable.
That’ something, isn’t it?