happy

All posts tagged happy

Date Night

Published December 24, 2014 by Tasha

I was 20 minutes late. As I flew up the stairs that led into the house, I slammed into my mum.
“Someone’s in a hurry”
“I’m late!” I hollered as I hurried down the hallway, “I’m 20 minutes late!”
I don’t think I’ve ever got dressed, put my make up on and got my hair done that quick. Ever. The things he makes me do.

It was a beautiful night. We haven’t had a dinner date, or any date really, for so long. It was all smiles and laughter. Lots of cuddles and kisses. Dinner was amazing and we ate so much food I almost had to roll out of the restaurant.  He took me to Mt Cootha, which is a hill that overlooks the city. And on a clear night, you can see all the city lights. You can see all the planes flying into the airport and all the cars speeding along the road. From that mountain top, everything looks tiny. Everything looks like you could pick it up and play with them. And then it was back to my mums place, where I’m staying, for a few movies.

I wish we could do things like that more often.

It’s Coming to an End

Published July 9, 2014 by Tasha

The distance I mean. Soon it will be (mostly) over.
We still have a three (very long) hour drive between us and with his work, 4 wheel driving, motor cross and ruby training as well as my Uni, work, dance, (maybe) cheerleading and horse riding, we will probably only see each other every 3 weeks or so. BUT that is better than what we currently have to deal with.
Seeing your SO every 4-6 months is a pain in the bloody ass. I know a lot of people have it harder, and a lot of people would kill to be able to see their loved one every 4-6 months. But after 2 years, I’m so very done with distance.

I saw The Boy on Sunday when I spent a week at his place. It was wonderful. And I realised a lot about our relationship.

I don’t have much to update you guys on. I’m frantically packing, cleaning, washing and figuring out everything before I leave to make the three day trip, next Wednesday!

47 days & a Horse

Published May 29, 2014 by Tasha

My heart is beating in my chest as I write this, or maybe its just stopped … I don’t know.
But the flood of emotions I feel is almost overwhelming.
Scared, anxious, excited, nervous, extremely happy, over-the-mood, butterflies …. I can hardly keep them contained.

There are only 47 days until I move to Darwin. 47. 
I have three pages, back and front, of things I need to do and organise before I leave. Landlords, car services, food, jobs, money, packing, planning, bills, saying my “see you laters”. I could go on and on, but what has really got me nervous/excited is my horse, something that has just happened only yesterday.

The original plan was to sell him. I didn’t want to but it was what is best for both of us. I need some time to grow up, explore the world, save, and while that can be done with a horse … Its just a lot less stressful for me if I don’t have him. It has been an agonising 3 months knowing that I’m moving and I can’t take him with me. Fielding phone calls and watching other people ride him. But there has always been something wrong, he’s too expensive, that want him but can’t afford a horse right now, they’ll buy him but want to leave him at my Coach’s place until the end of the year, things like that. Nothing has been right. So he is still in my hands.

With only 47 days left (roughly 4/5 weeks), it’s coming down to crunch time. The market for selling horses is nil here in Brisbane and I’m at loss at what to do.
So the only thing to do is to keep him, unless he sells in the next few weeks, and bring him to Darwin with me.
So not only do I have to budget and worry about myself, I also need to worry and budget for my horse. Who I love dearly and who has been my partner  and best friend for 7 years.

I am happy and excited to bring him with me, it will make me more at home, more at ease to have him there. But at the same time petrol, food, rent … LIVING in the Northern Territory  is way more expensive than Queensland. And I don’t know how I am going to afford it.

To say I am stressed is an understatement …. But it will be an adventure. One that I’ll never forget.

Coming Together….

Published April 2, 2014 by Tasha

Its amazing how an idea that was presented to you just 48 hours ago, can now be your reality.

I have decided to go ahead and move to Darwin. The only thing that is holding me back is the University. I have put my application in, and now I just have to wait to get a offer. I need to be accepted into Psychological Sciences. If I don’t get accepted then I can’t go to Darwin.
There is no point in messing up my studies to go travel.

I am so excited for this opportunity. And the more I think about it the more I want to go. The Boy seems happy about it too. He has his problems with it, but only because I’m going to be there with no one I know, no friends or family.
I make friends easy enough.

I just need a new chapter in my life …

Airport Pick Ups – The Turning Point

Published March 1, 2014 by Tasha

I can’t believe how far my man and I have come.

What brought me to this heart melting moment was the “Airport Dilemma”.  This is something that has been going on since he enlisted in 2012. Every time he came home on leave his mother would pick him and drop him off. No questions asked. I wasn’t asked how I felt about it or asked if I wanted to come. I just had to accept that his mother and sister would be the first one to see him and I would have to wait a day or two before I saw him. I understand that you need family time and family is important, but there are things that are unacceptable and waiting two days to see someone that supposedly  “means the world” to you and who you “miss more than anything”, is something that’s not on in my books.
But at the end of the day, his mother was the one that picked him up, dropped him off and did eveything in between. That was just a fact and even though it hurt and it bugged me to the extreme I just let it slid.

Actually I let a lot of things slide, until last time he was home.
Christmas/New Years break. I could, maybe, count how many times I saw him on one hand in the five/six weeks he had home. That was the final straw for me and I had this big talk with him. I laid out how I wanted to be treated and if he wasn’t willing to treat me like that, then I needed him to walk away and this time not to come back. Ever.
It took us about a month and a bit to recover from our fights over Christmas break (due to the fact that I was getting more and more upset and frustrated that his words and actions were not matching up in the slightest. I was feeling incredibly used. And it almost felt like he didn’t  care.) and the big message I sent him and the conversation that followed.

Because we are at long distance I didn’t know how he was going to prove how his actions and words were going to match up this time. There wasn’t anything we or I could do apart from moving on and to wait until he came home in April.

That was until tonight. Tonight was a turning point for us. For him at least. It showed me that he had taken what I’d said on board. It proved to me that he was willing to treat me the way I wanted and deserved to be treated.

Tonight he asked me to pick him up at the Airport. Just me. Only me. I will be the first one to see him. To a lot of you, you’re probably going to think I’m crazy. You get to pick up your loved one with his family or yours or just by yourself every time. Don’t take it for granted. For some of us it’s a rare luxury.

When he asked I squealed and then quickly bit into my pillow. I have roommates who are probably fast asleep and hearing me scream at 1 o’clock in the morning is probably a little strange. So I had to settle for, biting my pillow and rolling around in my sheets. Butterflies were exploding from my heart. They still are … Even though we said good night about 20 minutes ago.
He told me that his mum would have happily picked him up but he wanted me to be there. Jaw-dropping moment.

That. Right there. Was the turning point. The point were he proved to me that he meant what he was saying.

Holding Down the Fort

Published February 7, 2014 by Tasha

I think one of the hardest things to do as a military spouse, or even someone whos at distance to their loved one for the duration of their relationship, is keeping everything under control at home.

And when things spiral out of control, keeping it together so you don’t worry and distract them. There have been multiple times that I have replied, “Everything is good here baby. I’m fine.” While sobbing. And it’s not because I haven’t wanted to tell him, or that we don’t have a open relationship. No, it’s because he cannot have distractions at certain times in his job. Its because he cannot be worrying about me just before a major test or before a deployment. It’s because I love him that I do this. And then, when he’s home with me, or when I feel that he can hold everything together while I fall apart, that I tell him. Most of the time I glaze over the gory details, and most of the time it comes up in conversation when I have got myself through it.

It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Its extremely hard to take a deep breath and to steady yourself before taking their call, demanding yourself not to cry when you hear their voice. Its even harder to “lie” and reassure them that everything is perfectly fine and you’re “never better” when really all you want to do is collapse in their arms and sob. There have been so may heart wrenching moments, and he will never know how much it’s hurt to not have him here when I’ve needed him the most.

Right now, as I text him, my best friend (and roommate) has just called me up in hysterics because she almost 100% sure she’s pregnant. Earlier today I had about 6 blood tests and a hour in the hospital to check a few things. And tomorrow I have a training/test day to become a manager at my work. These are things I wont tell him until the times right, until he needs to know.

And it’s not because he doesn’t want to know or because he doesn’t want to be there for me. It’s because I know he’d do anything to make it all better and he can’t, and that hurts him. Its because he would want to be there while I was having those tests done, or while I was getting the results back, but he can’t. And it’s because he’d want to physically hold me and support me while I support my friend but again, he can’t and it tears him apart.
The bond a military spouse has for service member runs deeper than just love or distance. The lengths we all go do to protect them while they’re away, to protect some of their mental and emotional health, is amazing.
I just never thought military life could be so hard … I never imagined how it would feel to feel your heart chip but having to hold it together.

Military life is extremely tiring, heart breaking and frustration but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Call me crazy, but this is the man I love. And for him, I am willing to do almost anything.

Stay Strong!

D-Day is Approaching … Ready or Not!

Published January 27, 2014 by Tasha

Its shitty weather. I’m wearing a jumper and long pants and its in the middle of summer …
Which, usually, makes everyone lazy. Me included.
But today, I have manage to finish packing. Yes that’s right. In three days we’ll get the keys to the new place and from then to the 1st we will start moving all our stuff in. I can’t believe it’s all happening. Where did the past two weeks go? Where did all my “saved” money go!?
Everyone told me it’d go fast, but they never told me how the sheer panic mixed with utter excitement and overflowing happiness would rush through you as D-day fast approaches. Once I leave my house I am truly and utterly alone … Money wise that is. To an 19 year old with an expensive hobby and a boyfriend who is a state away in the Air Force, it’s a scary thing.
I can do it. I have to do it. There’s no turning back now!