military

All posts tagged military

Half – way There

Published July 28, 2014 by Tasha

I know, I know. Its been a while.
I haven’t forgotten you guys, I’m just incredibly busy.

We arrived at Tindal Saturday afternoon, the 19th. We were tired, annoyed, and over driving, over each other. We were totally and utterly sick of each other, or maybe that was just the exhaustion setting in.

My Ute decided to crap itself half- way there. In the middle of no where. With no phone reception.

The new shoxs that were put in after the car was serviced, completely exploded. As in the car was no drivable at all, and red stuff and bits of the shoxs flew everywhere. That lost us a day.
The Boy and I were frantically driving back and forth trying to get new shoxs. NO ONE had any in store and we would have to wait a day (at the least) to wait for them. This is after we (or should I saw he) drove the 4 hours to the nearest town, Mt Isa.

Neither of us had a good nights sleep, so we both woke up grumpy and tired. The next day wasn’t much better.
I had to make the 4 hour trip to the Ute in a car with a mechanic and then back again, by myself. I do not recommend it.

But. I am here now. Northern Territory. Darwin. My new “home”.
My dorm is finally all unpacked and everything is where it should be.
My beautiful horse is happy in his (extremely bare) paddock, and has enjoyed no week of exercise.
I am trying, and succeeding, to fit into Uni life and living on Campus. Its only my second week at this Uni, but I’m finding it really good.

The only thing that isn’t going well, is the Boy. I don’t know what’s  going on there, God knows I’ve tried to ask. He’s moody, touchy and just not his usual affectionate self.  After a few days of crying and trying to figure out where I’ve gone wrong, convinced that he’s going to break up with me … I’ve now just settled into a calm space.
He’s having his moment and I just have to give him his space.

As my best friend said, this is a big change. Not only for me but for him. Having me a hell of a lot closer (only 3 hours car drive away) then a $800/$1000 4 hour plane trip away. So I’m letting him chill.
I am too busy for his shit right now. And until he wants to talk or tells me it’s over, everything is okay.

He will come around. He always does.

And you know what’s “funny”? I thought being closer to him would almost guarantee that i get to spend more time with him. Nope. Now I won’t be able to see him for a month + because of some sort of military exercise. Fuck.

As for me. I’m trying to fit in riding, Uni (study!!!), work (when i get it), gym, and soccer (just need to find a team). I’m not sure about the soccer, I’m not sure how much comittment it’s going to require. I know that I will have shows some weekends (next season) and other weekends I’ll be with the Boy.
Will i have time to attend their games as well?
But in saying that I really want to try.

Sorry this is such a mismatch post. I’m so tired.
It’s 10 to 11pm here and I’m yet to have a shower.
Ugh.

It’s Coming to an End

Published July 9, 2014 by Tasha

The distance I mean. Soon it will be (mostly) over.
We still have a three (very long) hour drive between us and with his work, 4 wheel driving, motor cross and ruby training as well as my Uni, work, dance, (maybe) cheerleading and horse riding, we will probably only see each other every 3 weeks or so. BUT that is better than what we currently have to deal with.
Seeing your SO every 4-6 months is a pain in the bloody ass. I know a lot of people have it harder, and a lot of people would kill to be able to see their loved one every 4-6 months. But after 2 years, I’m so very done with distance.

I saw The Boy on Sunday when I spent a week at his place. It was wonderful. And I realised a lot about our relationship.

I don’t have much to update you guys on. I’m frantically packing, cleaning, washing and figuring out everything before I leave to make the three day trip, next Wednesday!

Learning – He will Always Come Back.

Published May 7, 2014 by Tasha

Its amazing, and a little terrifying, that you still learn things about your partner even after being with them for years.

I have known my guy for 19 years and have dated him for almost 3 of them. And I am still discovering major things about him. One I learnt tonight. It’s something that has been a massive issue in our relationship and has created a lot of hurt in the past.

He goes through these “phases” (as he like to put it) where he will push me away and act incredibly distant. And when he acts like this I worry about his affections for me. I automatically think he doesn’t want me anymore, that he doesn’t love me and he wants to end “us”.
Because there is a big part of me that worries too much. Over thinks and over analyse things. I take things too personally and take on other people’s dramas when I have more than enough to worry about.

And, as far as he’s concerned, that isn’t the case at all. Just because he’s distant, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want me. It means that somethings going on and I just need to wait for him to come back to me.

This week is a good example.
For exactly a week he’s been distant. He’s pushed me away. And when he pushes me away, even I find it hard to recognise it. He does it in such a way, my emotions get caught up in themselves and I over think every little thing. This whole week has been one big rough patch, I have felt awful … Three times this week I have cried myself to sleep, convinced I was losing him. After all he was showing all the signs; taking hours to reply to my text messages, or not replying at all. Not holding a conversation, when usually he’s the one to contact me first and keep a healthy, hilarious (or serious) conversation alive. Usually we’re talking every day for hours, or he’ll call me. Even the way he talked to me changed from “boyfriend” to “I can’t be bothered with you”.

And then tonight happened.
My mind had set its self on the idea that either he did not want me anymore or another girl was involved. I laid it all out on the table, waiting for him to confirm my fears.
Of course he didn’t. Because he’s not the type of guy.
Of course there wasn’t another girl.
And of course he didn’t want to end things.
He still didn’t tell me what was wrong until I dug just a little bit deeper.

“I always fail”
Me: What do u mean you always fail?!
“I always seem to let you down in the end.” 

That text and the few that followed from him almost broke my heart. I’m pretty sure a bit of it fell off.
He has always struggled with that and it’s been my job to reassure him that he’s wrong. And it hurt to see him wrestle with these thought tonight. But at the same time I learnt something new about him, about us.

He might go through these phases but it doesn’t mean anything. Its not personal. It doesn’t mean he hates me, or doesn’t want me anymore. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love me or wants to end things. It simply means he’s working through something and I just need to have patience. Worrying isn’t going to help. Freaking out and demanding answers wont help either. Being there when he needs me, at the exact moment he needs me, will help, whether he wants it or not.

And most importantly, believing and knowing that he will come back to me. Because why not?
He has always come back to me, he has never left me … Not entirely.
The friendship, trust and the bond that has been built over the years has always carried us through.
Tonight I learnt that it’s stronger than what I give it credit for.

73 days and counting!

Published May 3, 2014 by Tasha

I had just come back from shopping with V (one of my best friends who’s an army wife). And i had 10 minutes to submit my assignment. 
Flinging my shopping on the kitchen counter, I raced over to my computer. I had my emails open and one caught my eye. 
The acceptance or rejection letter sent from the Darwin University. My hands were shaking and I opened it, my mind was tossing around a thousand things.  
I had to read the letter twice, before it sunk in.

tumblr_n46c1hu4ug1s1udcco1_1280

I am pleased to inform you that you have been offered a place in the Bachelor of Psychological Science at Charles Darwin University…”

Seeing the time, I quickly uploaded my assigment and sent it off. Sighed heavily and then closed the screen. The acceptance letter was still sitting there.
“Oh my god. Oh my god” I breathed over and over again. My hands were shaking, my voice was shaking, I was shaking. V, who was making lunch, looked up,
What? What’s going on?”
“I got in.” It took a little bit for it to sink in. I took another big breath, “I. Got. In!!!”

I still can’t believe it. Even a few weeks later. I can’t believe that this idea V helped me with, is reality.
In 73 short days, the car will be packed, my “see you laters” told and the music will be playing as the Boy and I make our way across the country. 4 days on the road together. And the distance finally closed.
We will still have a 3 hour drive between us, but we will be in the same state again. We will see each other every 2/3 weeks instead of every 4/5 months.

My next little adventure.
I never thought it would be my turn when I could say, “After 2 and a bit years, we will be closing the distance. Finally.”
This is what we have fought, struggled, hoped and loved towards.

Distance

Published April 28, 2014 by Tasha

I had a girl look at me with sad eyes yesterday and utter those words,
“How do you DO distance?”

She couldn’t ever imagine being separated from her boyfriend for more than a night and she couldn’t ever believe how you survived distance. Those relationships were destined to fail.

I look at her with a small smile and shrugged,
“You don’t just DO distance. You adapt. You learn and you survive. Its what happens when the love of your life is away.” 

No one puts their hand up for distance, no one goes “Oh pick me!”
But when you fall in love with someone and they enlist, or when your heart lives in a different country, you learn to deal with it. Sure, it’s hard, it’s frustrating, annoying and heartbreaking at times. It’s a million things. You just learn to pick yourself up again and keep on going.

I wait. Months and months. It’s been 5 months since I’ve seen my boyfriend. And everytime he comes home on leave, its amazing. I will hold him close and spend every moment I can with him. Cherish the days and nights we’re able to be with each other. And then when it’s time for him to return to base, I let him go.
I give him a hug, a kiss and I whisper, “I’ll see you soon.”
And then I watch him board the plane.

Its not easy. The first lot of times I cried my eyes out as I walked back to the car, or in the shower that night, or later in the shopping center, or just randomly somewhere. But with each separation you get stronger, your partner gets stronger and so does your relationship. Until one day the “goodbyes” don’t take so much out of you, until one day you realise that you’ve adapted. You’ve grown and you’ve learnt.

Then, a month, a year, four years down the track you aren’t saying “goodbyes” anymore, you’re saying, “Goodnight.

That is what keeps you going. Hope. Faith. And love.

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions. Please Help Me!

Published April 1, 2014 by Tasha

I’ve been staying at my friend’s place for a few days now and she brought up a interesting idea as we were lying on the couch last night.

She asked if I had ever considered moving in or at least moving near Him. I looked up from my phone, my heart had sort of fumbled. Of course I’d thought about moving closer to him but Id never seriously thought about it. After all, wouldn’t he have asked if thats what he wanted?

Plus our relationship isn’t the most stable. We have broken up twice. Both times were out of the blue and things he could of come to me for. But instead he freaks out and throws in the towel.
He has been better this time around.

She brought up some really good points.

How it could relieve the stress and tension when he comes home. As he doesn’t want to let anyone down and just goes with the flow when he comes home, which ends up with only seeing me once or twice while he’s here. And that causes arguments.

  • I would be closer to him (I’d move to Darwin) .. About a 2/3 hour drive. Rather than a $600-800 (round trip) plane ride and a 3 hour drive, that I am currently
  • It will give us a more “normal” relationship. More “us” time and maybe a clearer view of where we want things to go.
  • I have always wanted to live in different places. Meet different people, travel around Australia a bit … If i was braver & I spoke the language I’d go study in Italy or Greece or Paris or something. But I have my horse and family in Australia.

It would be a good experience, even if I was to return after 6 months.
These are just some of the points we both came up with together. And then as I lay in bed, I also came up with ideas why it might not work so well.

  • The military changes. He’s meant to be there for 3-4 years. But they can chop and change orders, in a blink of an eye. What if I moved up there and then a few months later he got posted somewhere else? Melbourne? Sydney? Brisbane? And I’m still in Darwin.
  • I have my friends here. And even though I know my best friends will still be here and would visit, I would miss out on their lives.
  • I would miss out on my little sister growing up. She’s only 16.
  • What if Him and I didn’t work out?

I am thinking about this for me. I really am. It would be a good experience. But it would also mean I’d miss out on a lot of things. And as much as I would love to say He doesn’t have any influence over this decision, he does. I would be a fool to think I wasn’t also doing this to be closer to him, to strength our relationship.

Because right now, I can’t see any end to this distance. Its just one black tunnel that isn’t going to end anytime soon.
Lately I’ve just been thinking, why am I waiting 4, 5, 6 months at a time to only see this guy once or twice in the week he comes home? Only to repeat it over and over and over again.
It’s getting tiring.

And I know … Lots of people have it worse off then me. But if you had the power to change the distance between you and your loved one …. Wouldn’t you?

Airport Pick Ups – The Turning Point

Published March 1, 2014 by Tasha

I can’t believe how far my man and I have come.

What brought me to this heart melting moment was the “Airport Dilemma”.  This is something that has been going on since he enlisted in 2012. Every time he came home on leave his mother would pick him and drop him off. No questions asked. I wasn’t asked how I felt about it or asked if I wanted to come. I just had to accept that his mother and sister would be the first one to see him and I would have to wait a day or two before I saw him. I understand that you need family time and family is important, but there are things that are unacceptable and waiting two days to see someone that supposedly  “means the world” to you and who you “miss more than anything”, is something that’s not on in my books.
But at the end of the day, his mother was the one that picked him up, dropped him off and did eveything in between. That was just a fact and even though it hurt and it bugged me to the extreme I just let it slid.

Actually I let a lot of things slide, until last time he was home.
Christmas/New Years break. I could, maybe, count how many times I saw him on one hand in the five/six weeks he had home. That was the final straw for me and I had this big talk with him. I laid out how I wanted to be treated and if he wasn’t willing to treat me like that, then I needed him to walk away and this time not to come back. Ever.
It took us about a month and a bit to recover from our fights over Christmas break (due to the fact that I was getting more and more upset and frustrated that his words and actions were not matching up in the slightest. I was feeling incredibly used. And it almost felt like he didn’t  care.) and the big message I sent him and the conversation that followed.

Because we are at long distance I didn’t know how he was going to prove how his actions and words were going to match up this time. There wasn’t anything we or I could do apart from moving on and to wait until he came home in April.

That was until tonight. Tonight was a turning point for us. For him at least. It showed me that he had taken what I’d said on board. It proved to me that he was willing to treat me the way I wanted and deserved to be treated.

Tonight he asked me to pick him up at the Airport. Just me. Only me. I will be the first one to see him. To a lot of you, you’re probably going to think I’m crazy. You get to pick up your loved one with his family or yours or just by yourself every time. Don’t take it for granted. For some of us it’s a rare luxury.

When he asked I squealed and then quickly bit into my pillow. I have roommates who are probably fast asleep and hearing me scream at 1 o’clock in the morning is probably a little strange. So I had to settle for, biting my pillow and rolling around in my sheets. Butterflies were exploding from my heart. They still are … Even though we said good night about 20 minutes ago.
He told me that his mum would have happily picked him up but he wanted me to be there. Jaw-dropping moment.

That. Right there. Was the turning point. The point were he proved to me that he meant what he was saying.